The Danger of Grinding Through Your Twenties

Jordan. Buddy. They really got you, didn't they?

Look, the average 24-year-old has a lot of reason to be scared these days. Your entry into societal adulthood was marked by a series of public health, safety net, and infrastructure failures, a deadly pandemic, and the biggest round of inflation we've had in generations.

Like, it's a lot. I'll grant you that.

But I want to suggest that your conclusion - that kids these days just don't have enough hustle - is a crock of shite that's been fed to you by a machine that would happily let you die to keep the economy going.

Some of your anxiety is personal - you worry that after you start a family, there won't be any time for your dreams and passions. And frankly, the culture of "one last night before you get tied to the ol' ball and chain" bachelor parties is entirely unhelpful in this regard.

But can we just acknowledge, for a second, how utterly weird it is to think about marriage as an end point for personal passions? I wouldn't be the writer I am without my supportive partner. My writing and creativity have only deepened with the life experiences we've had together, whether they be travel, career changes, or parenting.

Did I mention we're both *whispers* over thirty? And we're not even dead yet. The audacity!

You, like a lot of people in their 20s, have this idea of 30 as a finish line. A deadline. What's this based on? Your parents' experience? Your grandparents? If you're comparing your young adulthood to theirs, I've got some life-changing news for you, friend. The game's been rigged against you in a way it never was for them.

Take a look at that chart. By the time they were your age, your grandparents' generation had the kind of buying power your generation might HOPE to have at 40. That's not "kids these days are aimless and lazy," that's "forty years of de-regulation and wage stagnation done screwed you, son."

Okay, so what? Things are harder now than they were in decades past. Whoop-de-doo. That doesn't mean we should give up, right?

No, absolutely not. But I want to offer an alternative to your proposal that everyone just commit to a full-time-plus hustle and grind and burn themselves at both ends until they die reach thirty.

Have you noticed that your solution to this is really isolating? Like, if you're working all the time, how do you propose to meet and spend time with this future hypothetical spouse of yours? And what's to say you'll feel safe letting go of the grind when you're ready to settle down? What IS financial security in a changing world and climate? Are you REALLY okay trusting the market to hold your retirement funds?

And, like, dude. You're an engineer. I have enormous respect for that. That takes dedication, passion, and skill. You had to set your sights on a lofty goal and work really hard to get there.

So, uh, you would know better than most what happens when you introduce GRINDING into a mechanical process. Why are you idealizing this process of erosion? You're literally trying to spend your twenties breaking yourself because you can. WHY? Who told you that was a good use of your young and healthy self?

Your 20s can be a time of enormous productivity, but they're also for exploration and enjoyment. You can apply the same logic about joy that you do to work; after all, knowing what makes you happy and fulfilled is going to be key to surviving your geriatric 30s.

But individual joy, satisfaction, and security aren't the only things worth striving for. Your 20s are also one of the best times in your life for building community and social connections. And those connections are essential for survival - especially in turbulent and unpredictable times.

In a recent Reddit thread, a young Ukrainian watching his country about to descend into possible war asked what advice people around the world had about surviving such scary and disruptive times. The number one answer - more than food, more than money, more than tools or supplies - was people. People who can help you, share with you, and show up for you.

You're an army guy, Jordan. You know you're nothing without your unit.

But you only have one body. I don't mind you eating healthy and exercising, or even your relentless grinding. All of that's fine and dandy.

(In all honesty though, watch out for your enamel - all that grinding REALLY takes a toll on your teeth by the time you're dead thirty. You only get two sets, and you've already lost one.)

But judging people who choose to spend their time resting instead of grinding is a waste of your time. It might endear you to other judgy people, but it doesn't do much for friendship, companionship, or solidarity.

And ultimately, we need those things as much as or more than money.