The Best Way to Have an Enduring Marriage

There are a lot of books about marriage flooding the market today, and many couples are going to therapy and trying everything to save their relationship. In truth, there is one simple way to maintain Holy wedlock and that is for both people to choose to stay in the marriage. If one spouse chooses to honor the wedding vows and the other does not, there is no magical wand you can wave and change someone's mind. I know women who prayed, fasted, and begged God to save their marriage, but the husband wanted out, and he got out.

I recall a church I used to attend where there was a marriage mentoring ministry, but at least 10 couples who were in that church and who attended the marriage seminars, meetings, and getaways have divorced. I also know a couple who are atheists, but have been married over 60 years. Sometimes there are circumstances such as physical abuse and fear for life where one spouse has to get out for safety reasons.

You cannot force anyone to do anything they don't choose to, so the bottom line is, in my opinion, three simple things. The first is that both parties must agree they want to continue the relationship, second is acknowledging that your husband or wife is never going to 100 percent be what you think they should be. The third is adjustment. As couples grow older, life gets in the way. You may plan for a wonderful summer vacation, but end up spending several weeks in the hospital, for months of doctor appointments and medical tests for your dearly beloved. You both may have planned for a financially lucrative retirement only to have medical bills, bad investments, or family emergencies wipe you clean.

Life is unpredictable, so be careful of those who say "Just pray and come to church," or anyone who says you need therapy or a getaway. There is nothing wrong with any of this, but many couples have remained together for five or six decades without going on vacations, seeking a therapist, or even believing in God or going to church regularly. Each husband and wife must decide they are in the marriage to stay, and there must be a lot of love and forgiveness.

There may be a day your husband gets on your last nerves, and you may wish you never had met him. Give him a hug and say I love you or fix his favorite meal in spite of it. Your wife may have burned dinner or not cleaned the house to your specifications. Laugh even though you feel like crying and give her a hug. Should your spouse begin spending lots of time with single friends, or even cheat on you, do your best not to take it personal. Talk to your mate and ask if they can tell you why they are forsaking you for all others when your vows said to forsake all others for your spouse? If your husband or wife says they no longer want to be married there is not much you can do, but if they say they do, then talk to each other and try to figure out where you go from this point.

Communication is important so continue to keep those lines open. Every day will not be wine and roses, and neither should it be arguing and fighting. Become selfless and put your spouse first, instead of being selfish. If you believe your husband or wife is going to supply your every need, and treat you like a king or queen as is taught in a lot of churches, then you need to find yourself a monarchy to rule. You may have days where it seems you are not appreciated, but keep doing good anyway.

If you are a person of faith a good slogan to have is "One day at a time with Jesus." If you do believe in prayer, then pray first before you attack your spouse about something that has hurt you. If you don't believe in a higher power just count slowly backwards from 10 to keep from saying something you will regret. There may be times you need to give your spouse some distance, or you may need a little space yourself. One of you can go into a different room, and even spend the night there if necessary. Not because you are angry, but because you are allowing your husband or wife, or yourself some breathing room. Again, there is no magic wand, special potion, or specific Bible verse that will assure your marriage will last. It takes two people who know when to back away from getting on their mate's last nerve, and also know when to give a hug, kiss, or say I love you to brighten up the day. Two people who agree they will remain married no matter what, will do more to stay with their spouse than those who are always threatening to leave at the slightest provocation. An enduring marriage takes a couple who have the ability to endure and put up with each other's little quirks. I've found this out after 43 years with my husband, and 38 of those as husband and wife.