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The Beast

Finding Peace

By Courtney PetterssonPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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The Beast
Photo by Kourosh Qaffari on Unsplash

The earth was cold and damp against my face. I opened my eyes, giving them a moment to adjust to the low light. I was still in the same large room, the broken stained glass windows letting in just enough moonlight to see by. Foliage had grown around the walls, bringing insects, though most of them let me be. This building had once been so beautiful, but what may have been a sanctuary in the past was now my prison.

The chain around my neck pressed cold and heavy against my skin. After all this time one would think I’d be used to it, but as I could feel new bruises forming I could feel the madness growing.

I had been a prisoner for so long, taken on a night when I thought nothing could go wrong and life felt easy and beautiful. Gosh, had I really been so happy once?

The word was now an enigma – happy.

I often compared my new life to a fairy tale, except my Beast did not want my love – it wanted my life. It wanted every drop of light and joy I could produce, and in return it gave me dark isolation.

The gown I had worn on that last night was now frayed and filthy – a sad reminder of better times. It offered very little warmth and I’d often wake up from the cold, desperately trying to hold myself together against the shivers.

Why had this Beast chosen me? My life had been so wonderful – there was no reason for it to claim me. Yes, I had felt it watching me before, and just its subtle presence would leave me cold, often spending an entire weekend in the safety of my down comforter. Until that night, though, it had never come near enough to take me.

This is what it does. It waits, like the predator it is, for that opportune moment – that moment when, like with me, it feels as though the world will give you nothing but bliss… but the Beast will enlighten you. The Beast will bring you to the awful realization that you are alone and undeserving of all that light you used to bask in. Then it will bring you here, to this once hopeful place, and leave you to rot.

I tugged on my chain, like I did every day – it still felt secure. Shadows concealed what it was connected to, but I always assumed it was something I couldn’t break free from. I had tried after first arriving at this place, pulling desperately, wanting to return to my former life. It would give some, but I learned that give was a nasty trick designed to remove my last trace of hope. Until recently it had worked.

After holding my knees for what had to be hours, my favorite time of day was finally here. The light from the rising sun poured through the rose window high above me, creating a beam of warmth I could just reach with my fingertips. Every morning I would imagine what it would be like to float up into that beam, free from this chain, this damp darkness, and the Beast.

I could stand it no longer. Needing to feel some form of freedom I reached for a shard of broken glass that had fallen from the nearest window. Carefully, I carved a butterfly from my dress. Its wings were uneven and loose threads trailed after it, but as soon as I held it into the light it began to fly.

Tears welled in my eyes and I reached for the shard again, quickly cutting out another butterfly. One by one the tattered bits of dress flew up into the light, vanishing in the blinding glare. A smile on my face for the first time in years, I collapsed. My dress in tatters barely covered me, but my fingertips landed in the light. I closed my eyes one last time and let the warmth work its way up my arm and around my neck. My chain fell away as the warmth continued to spread, and I could hear the Beast roaring somewhere far away, out of reach. I began to float, surrounded by my butterflies, finally free.

I am finally free.

~

Hello! If you enjoyed my story please consider leaving me a tip!

I wrote this after finding a beautiful piece of art showing the scene where the butterflies fly into the light (but I unfortunately can't find it right now or I'd share it). The story is up to interpretation since I know everyone has their own Beast, but for me this is about my depression and how I hope to be free from it one day. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and know that you are not alone.

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