Tegami - A Letter

In 2008 Angela Aki, a singer-songwriter then based in Japan, released a song called Tegami. It was a letter from a 15-year-old to her adult self, with a reply from the adult self to the 15-year-old. It was a sensation. Middle-school children related so well to the song that when it played on the TV or anywhere else, they would cry crying hysterically. The lyrics are below:

A Letter

Hello, I wonder where you are and what you’re doing as you read this letter. Right now, I’m 15 and there are things worrying me that I can’t talk to anyone about, I thought that if I wrote a letter to my future self, I could tell you all the things that I’ve kept bottled up inside me. I feel like I can’t win, like I want to cry, like I’ll just disappear. Who am I supposed to trust to get me through this? I’ve only got one heart and it’s been broken apart so many times. I’m living in the painful present. I’m living in it now.

Hello, my 15-year-old self, thank you for writing. There are things I want you to know. If you keep asking yourself what you’re aiming for and where you’re going, eventually you’ll figure it out. The stormy waters of adolescence are tough to navigate through, But turn your ship of dreams towards the shores of tomorrow. Don’t give up, don’t cry. When you feel like you’ll disappear, Listen to your own voice and keep moving forward.

I’m an adult, but I’ve still been hurt and there are nights I can’t get to sleep. I’m living in the bittersweet present. Everything that happens in life has a meaning, don’t be scared to follow your dreams. Keep on believing. No matter how old you are, you can’t get through life without some sadness. Let everyone see you smile and go on living.

Hello to the person reading this letter. I wish you all the happiness in the world.

If you could talk to your younger self, what would you say? If you could change what you did back then based on what you know now, would you? Maybe. But then again, if I did, would I be where I am now?

One thing is for sure, I wouldn't care so much about what others thought. I’d learn to control how other people’s behavior affected me. Their cruelty was devastating, and I came so close to ending it all.

If I’d have known back then what I know now it would have prevented me from getting involved with people who were a bad influence. If I’d known then that drinking and drugs didn’t solve anything, maybe I wouldn’t have done it. But back then it numbed the pain, it took care of my aching heart, it enabled me to get through each day.

With the exception of one person, I had no real friends. I knew a bunch of people who claimed to be my friends, but they were using me for their own amusement, plotting behind my back to embarrass me. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Back then, I only wanted to be accepted. I didn’t mind not being the most popular person in the school, but I didn’t want to feel like a pariah either. It would have been nice to be treated with respect.

On the other hand, the humiliation, the cruelty, the loneliness was a good thing in the long run. It enabled me to develop an inner strength. It allowed me the freedom to be who I am and to hell with everyone else. It gave me faith in myself, knowing that I didn't need anyone else to be happy. It gave me confidence, the ability to know that no matter what happens, I can handle it.

So, when you find yourself being made a laughingstock, when you find yourself depending too much on others to make you happy, remember me. While it’s nice to have friends, while it’s great to be accepted, ultimately you need to accept yourself first. Only when you come to terms with who you are can you find true happiness.