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Sure, You Don't Have To Explain Yourself... Until You Do.

An unpopular opinion from the Rogue himself.

By The Rogue ScribePublished 2 years ago 5 min read
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Credit: Andrea Piacquadio

Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel like you have to justify your actions? Or maybe someone has misinterpreted something you said and you want to clear the air, but don't know how? We all know that some people are just going to form opinions about you no matter what you do or say.

What I've noticed is that when someone pokes a nerve, intentionally or not, it's difficult to see clearly. Controlling your emotions is part of the process, and walking away may be necessary at times to get a better grip.

This is why I believe if someone has a misconception about you, taking two minutes out of your day to offer some clarity to the issue is far more rewarding than letting things go unresolved.

Let's break it down.

It's Not A Contest

I'll admit there's way too much going on these days.

One of those things has caused most people to think they're right about everything, and if anyone tries to tell them otherwise, they immediately whip out their smartphones and start tweeting about how "so-and-so" is a jerk who doesn't understand what they're talking about.

If someone has a reasonable counterpoint to something you say, you owe it to them to at least listen. You may learn something from them since they may see something that you don't. If you cannot see the other perspective, then obviously you haven't thought hard enough about the topic at hand—or maybe you have some kind of personal stake in this issue that's making it difficult for you to think clearly about it.

These types of things don't have to turn into an argument. They can be a simple exchange of ideas, not some sort of contest about who knows more than who.

I believe you can and should hear someone out as long as the discourse is respectful, has a meaningful outcome, and doesn't escalate into violence and aggression. (That's another topic for another week.)

Sometimes, the surface value of things is all we really need. However, there's real danger in not allowing yourself to dig a little more and find the root of the issue, disagreement, miscommunication, etc. You may be surprised to learn it's not always about right and wrong - but overall about consideration and compromise.

So, the next time you're wondering whether or not you should explain yourself and your actions, ask yourself some of these questions.

First: does the other person's opinion or perspective actually hold any value? Is the point of view worth considering?

If The Answer Is Yes...

Then it's worth it to try and be as clear as possible with one another. I understand if not everyone cares enough to peel the layers to dig a little deeper. But see, that's a loss in the long run. Understanding and compassion cost you nothing, and can give you great leverage to deal with other problems in the future.

These days, it seems like every interaction we have with another person is somehow rooted in conflict. Whether it's online or in-person, having a differing opinion or even just a different way of doing things than someone else can feel like the end of the world. But we'll never really know how people feel or think if all we do is take hard stances and expect others to just "get us".

People can't read minds. How are people supposed to know what you're doing if you don't at least give them some hints? We all need a little help, right?

Are we entitled to it? Maybe not, but the outcome is simply better when we come together as much as possible.

When you don't automatically jump on the offensive when confronted with a situation where you feel slighted, whether it's by someone you know or a complete stranger, you are showing a depth of character that is truly rare these days. You are showing people that they are safe in your presence, and that is a real gift.

If The Answer Is No...

Then don't put too much energy into explaining yourself. Simple.

You can do everything in your power to help (not force) someone understand your point of view. If they're getting upset with you without knowing all the facts or refusing to listen, then that's on them.

Now, this isn't a free pass to deliver your perspective with malice and venom. When things are simply not coming across as smoothly as you thought, step back, reassess, and try again.

"It is your duty as a person of exemplary character to do everything you can to be clearly understood. Additionally, you should do everything you can to understand others who wish to be heard."

By doing any less than that, the risk for disconnection greatly increases. And what has miscommunication gained us besides more pain? More enemies? More mass confusion?

Second: can you see yourself being friends with this person in five years? If the answer is yes, then again, it's probably worth it to explain yourself and clear up any misconceptions or miscommunications as soon as possible. But if the answer is no, then it's better to just move on and not invest so much into it.

You won't change everyone all at once, but sometimes even just a little nugget of kindness and clarity is what some people need to hopefully improve their lives.

What may seem like a small, insignificant gesture to you - such as stopping to answer someone's question as you walk through a neighborhood - could make an enormous difference for them.

Even if you don't immediately see the fruits of your labor, you can still walk away with confidence knowing that at the very least you gave something to contribute to the positive development of the world around you. If there's any truth to the Gold Rule, then what you do should come back to you sooner or later.

It's Worth A Shot... Or Three.

You might even say that you owe it to your "inner peace" to not owe anyone any kind of explanation. To just walk away and not care for the consequences of doing so. That's fine - express it, live it, feel it. Just remember: life has a funny way of testing all of us. Sooner or later, you'll cross paths with something or someone that will eventually require you to be clear, thorough, and compassionate.

I'm not asking you to save everyone from their ignorance. Some people will still not understand you even if you lay all the answers in front of them, and that's fine.

All I'm suggesting for you to try is to reduce conflict and confusion when presented with the chance; not contribute to it just because "it's not your problem" or "you're not required to".

True, it's not a requirement. But doing things that you're not required to do speaks a lot about who you are. Ultimately, I think this may be the more rewarding thing to do for all people involved.

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Read More: The Art of Patience, Gratitude & Courage

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About the Creator

The Rogue Scribe

Writer. Narrator. Author of 'The Art of Patience, Gratitude & Courage'.

Challenge the world, go rogue with me, and subscribe to support my wordsmithing.

To read my uncensored articles, head over to: https://theroguepath.blogspot.com/

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