Psychologist Wu Zhihong mentioned such a case.
He once hosted a female visitor who worked in a well-known bank with promising career prospects, but she was often distressed.
Because every day after get off work, she will always recall the scene of the day:
So-and-so was rude to her, why didn't she go back at that time? The more you think about it, the more uncomfortable you feel, and the worse your mood becomes;
Or maybe it would be too harsh to speak to a subordinate, or even wronged others, thinking about it, and my heart is full of guilt.
The time of the night, often passed by in wild thoughts, not only did nothing get done, but also exhausted myself physically and mentally.
Wu Zhihong said that her pain was not due to fatigue at work, but from her internal friction.
Inamori Kazuo wrote in "Advice to Young People":
"The most terrifying thing for a person is internal friction. A word of others will be chewed over and over again; excessive analysis, thinking and self-denial. This kind of mental consumption is often more torment than physical consumption."
Thinking is a good thing, but over-thinking will only cause people to fall into internal friction and consume a lot of energy and mental energy.
Stop internal friction, troubles will be reduced, and life will be better.
refusal of social infighting
The variety show "Listen to Friends 2" once received such a letter from the audience.
A teacher named @ Nannan said that she is a person who is extremely afraid of being hated by others.
Since she was a child, she has tried her best to please her mother. Even if she doesn't like some things, in order to please her mother, she will force herself to do it.
As I grew up, this situation only increased.
Whether at work or in life, she is almost unable to refuse other people's requests.
When a colleague is sick or has something to do, he will find her as a substitute for the first time.
And no matter if she has anything at hand, she will accept it one by one, for fear that her colleagues will think that she is a difficult person to get along with.
Sometimes, in order to buy breakfast for a colleague, she would go out two hours early, even if it was not on the way at all.
In interpersonal communication, she is always cautious and walking on thin ice, and she is exhausted.
Have you ever had a time like this?
Obviously he still has something at hand, but in the face of other people's requests, he can't say anything if he refuses.
For fear of making others unhappy, I would rather sacrifice my time to meet the demands of others.
It was obviously a party that wasn't of interest to me, but I was afraid that others would have an idea about me, so I took the plunge and went to participate.
Even in the face of a stranger's promotion, he couldn't say no, and he fell into endless regret afterward.
Schopenhauer said: "Human nature has a weakness, that is, it cares too much about how others see you."
Caring too much about yourself in the eyes of others is a kind of internal friction.
When you take other people's opinions and feelings too seriously, you will inevitably ignore your own feelings.
And the more you try to please and cater to others, the more self-depleting you become.
In the long run, the interaction between people has become a burden.
People live forever, in fact, no one can live as an island.
But only you are the protagonist of life, no one is worth your grievances and forcing yourself.
To refuse internal friction, you don’t have to care so much about everyone’s preferences. Taking care of yourself in advance is the best way to socialize.
refuse to work
I have read a story.
A designer received a single task - to design a new house for a client.
But after several revisions, the customers were not satisfied, and he was very distressed.
Before leaving get off work, when his boss saw him frowning, he joked with him, "Young man, if you enter life earlier, you will know what customers think."
The designer couldn't help but wonder after hearing this:
Does the leader feel that he has not done the job well enough this time?
Does the leader think he is too young and inexperienced?
Will the leader give his work to the competitors of the same group?
After that day, he became restless and dared not to start designing.
Although there are many ideas in my mind, I feel that each of them is not perfect, for fear that it will not meet the expectations of my boss.
I finally drew a copy, but I was worried that the customer would not be satisfied, so I kept changing it, and it was too late to submit it.
In the end, even the deadline stipulated in the contract was missed.
Think of a sentence: thinking will only get a steady stream of questions, and you will find the answer only by doing.
Indeed, those indecisive thoughts only drain our minds and drive us further and further from our original goals.
Instead of running all kinds of ideas in your mind, it is better to take a brave step and see.
Romain Rolland said it well:
"Life passes quickly, an opportunity never comes twice, and it has to be decisive."
The best time to do something is now. Don't let hesitation and procrastination delay the most precious moment. Don't let the so-called perfectionism hinder the progress.
Think 10,000 times rather than act once.
Timely action is the best medicine to cure internal stress at work.
refusal of emotional friction
There is a question on Zhihu: What kind of relationship is difficult to last?
The most liked answer is: internal friction.
If in a relationship, both parties are always at odds with each other, then the relationship will most likely not be able to continue.
In the emotional program "Gold Medal Mediation", there was a couple in their 50s, which aroused heated discussions among countless netizens.
When he was young, his husband was unfortunately found to be infertile. In order not to implicate his wife, he took the initiative to file for divorce.
His wife said that even if he had no children, he was willing to accompany him for the rest of his life.
But later, when my wife saw other people's children and grandchildren, she felt envious.
She really hoped that her husband could accompany her more, not to go back to her hometown all the time during the holidays, to go out with her more, and live the world of two.
She thought that since her husband loves her, even if he doesn't open his mouth, he will naturally understand.
However, the thick-line husband was completely unaware of her thoughts.
The wife could only be secretly angry. The more she thought about it, the more unwilling she became. She felt that her efforts in the past few decades were not worth it, and she often used the topic to get angry with her husband.
The husband doesn't know where his wife's grievances come from, he just thinks that his wife is making a fuss, and it's getting weirder.
In this way, the affection that once shared weal and woe between the two slowly turned into mutual hatred.
The saddest thing in a relationship is this.
You are reluctant to open your heart when you are in trouble, but you always expect the other person to understand your needs.
But when silence replaces communication and complaining replaces understanding, only internal friction remains in the relationship.
No matter how good a relationship is, there is no continuation without communication.
Only by actively communicating and exchanging can we gain insight into each other's needs and reduce internal friction in the relationship.
Only by frankly exchanging hearts can we live a long life and walk with each other better in the rest of our lives.
Stop internal friction is the best antidote to life
The Greek philosopher Epictitus said, "It is not things that affect people, but what people think about them."
Pain is often just a choice, and it is not the thing itself that makes us suffer, but the internal friction caused by the thing.
In social networking, you don't have to please everyone, and the opinions of others are not that important at all.
In work, there is no need to be perfect.
In the relationship, treat each other frankly, communicate attentively, refuse to consume each other, and live a quiet life together.