SO, WHAT IS FORGIVENESS
I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT
WHAT AN AMAZING END TO MY STORY. I didn’t get exactly what I want, but it was very beautiful. WAIT. I did get exactly what I wanted. Three great friends.
Yes, I got exactly what I want. Three great friends…..
I wonder what story I had in my head that time to make something like that up…..?
Here’s the Honest Story
I know exactly what he did. And he knows I know. And he is ashamed. And that’s where the narcissist gets lost. Because that’s the moment everybody leaves him. Narcissists aren’t unloving people. They love deeply, they just show it in…. desperate ways. I see the desperation on his face, now that the story is out. He’s crushed at his own behavior because he does see how it affected me. That’s normally where the ball would drop. He’d either have to dump them before they dumped him, or he will get dumped when it is found out.
I have never been one of those people who follow the track record. Somewhere along the line there has to be a time when a narcissist sees who he is to himself. And that is what changes him.
It’s pent up anger displayed in inappropriate ways. Something somebody grows up with at childhood. It becomes a habit. Like me being 50 years old with the mind stuck at a 7 year old. Something I learned got me what I needed, of course I continued the habit. As did he.
I don’t know how that’s going to make everything alright, but I understand his dilemma. If nothing else, I’ll try to think of him only as a friend instead a lover, and try to look at the situation from an analytical way. And I feel fair is fair. Not me dating other men to deserve what I got, but something just to give him a Taste if what I suffered. And I’ll be up front with that. There will be no mistakes or secrets or hidden agendas. He will get a verdict that is equal to the the most excruciating part of my year.
There is no way I’m going to lie or lie about him to get revenge. I’m about the truth and fairness to the best of our ability. But what I want is for him to go to officer Tiffany Larson. I want him to confess to his cyberstalking me, for a year. And he needs to write a letter to each person that was harmed by watching me go through the things I did, leaving them feeling helpless. Not a copy letter, but each one.
Lastly, because of the crime he should do some time. 10 days in jail. Really only 8 with 2 days off for good behavior. Therapy too. He needs help with his anger and his pain he has been hiding, or his fears. After jail and Two months therapy the situation can revisited.
In the meantime, I am not changing anything more. I am keeping the one friend I do have left, until I feel confident I can walk away without regret. Because I feel this is going to take some time, which I have. But I’ve already been isolated for a year. And it has caused a huge impact on my mental health. All I know how to do now is hide out in my bedroom and shuffle cards, looking for answers. We all know how much of my life was taken from me, I’m not going to hash over that. I am going to, however, start working toward a future where I am not isolated anymore.
And that is my bottom line.
This is what I want:
People may think I’m absolutely nuts for taking up a bone head like him. But I do trust him. He’s the only one I want to talk to when something in my life changes. You know, just to tell him “Blues Clues” solved the puzzle.
And I just can’t believe I fell for the same crap again.