She was skin starved, starved for His touch, starved for everything that had been her world..languishing mornings, her career and normal. Domestic bliss, love and passion. Too much work and not any passion. She could never survive without passion. It sparked everything that was made her world light up. It was why she woke up in the morning, it was how she replenished herself. Without Him near, she craved his touch, his mouth on her, his voice, his time, to be loved and be His and to remember what it felt like to be held. She could barely conjure up a memory of what it was like to to be touched with love anymore, it had been to long and so far away...so many years before, three of them.
She ached to be touched, to be held in strong arms that held her pieces back together, to be wanted. Her skin was almost pristine from not being touched for so long. She craved being held as much as she craved a man making love to her. She need to feel skin on skin, nothing between them .. She needed protection from a world gone mad, to be unguarded..to let the walls tumble down. She needed candles and rose petals..fingers trailing up her spine, lingering on the spots in her back that sent electricity through her veins.
She needed to believe that men still were gentle and loving, because she hadn't seen that in so long. The thought of a Man simply allowing her to be unguarded with her heart, simply keeping his word, made her world stop.
Then there was his voice, it was like a combination of honey and tequila. Sweet and intoxicating, it made everything fade away, it transported her to another plane of existence. Simply his, it made her melt. The way he talked to her, made her crave to have him inside of her. To lose herself in his body, enveloped in his protection in a bubble of bliss. To be able to simply just be. To believe in true love again, to believe in the fairy tale she yearned for every day. She had once gotten to custom order a lover from God, six years before. He was going through hell and she was his angel. A woman who simply loved him for years after he was gone. She had chosen him as her white knight when the man after him protect , who shared nothing in common with him but a profession had taken away everything she ever loved and continued to destroy her beauty and her life. He had been the answer to her prayers until the day he too had left her in the street after struggling for over a year to get to him. He had always been her champion, and despite that was the cause of this nightmare. He had defended her honor, and despite the distance he had remained the standard until he let her life be destroyed, and wouldn't even speak to her. She still loved him, and could hardly bare to look at a photo of her officer that was a gentlemen. Of every blow she had taken in the last 3 years, she thought despite his grudge against her for what she did not understand, and still tried to protect his life, even though he cared nothing about hers him turning into a threat to her was so beyond comprehension. Even now she could tell you everything that made her love him, that merely speaking his name, and trying to get to the one officer she trusted in the entire state had left her to be battered, and attacked for years now.
She saw the way he walked, the way he was in men and for a moment remembered the life they had together, wanting to be his wife and have his child. Now she carried another man's child who simply wouldn't speak to her for no reason, just as he was. She wanted strong arms like his, kisses like they always had and the happily ever after that everyone had wanted for them, yet she was afraid of him. It simply killed her spirit. She needed him, or a man like him when he was good. She remembered their fairy tale romance in bits and pieces, because to think on it too long broke what was left of her.
She had fallen in love since then but everyone she loved had disappeared...She would never understand how cold he had become, as if someone had taken his heart and he had kept on living as if she never existed. If she could do that she would be better off, but somehow everyone had unloved her in the last 2 years with no answer as to why..and she was left with memories and lingering traces of stitched together dreams...
His absence had lead her to the the place she was now, trying still to pick up the pieces, having turned to someone else for the affection she craved. She would try to push him from her memory if that was even possible with a memory like hers. At night she fell asleep wondering what it felt like to be loved as she had always been, to feel his fingers run across her tattoos to have the normal that was was burned into her memory. He had been her knight and me his princess. Having loved him once was like a dream, but it had been. His words still lingered in her head when she was in doubt- "You have a beautiful brain. You are magic." She tried to remember the man she had still tried to protect, not from her but because he had been her world. In some ways he always would be. His gentleness had never been forgotten even without pictures..they had never been surpassed since. She would could never forget him as he had her. He still hung her moon and stars until another one of him could be found.