Sitting Alone is Beneficial

It reaches through the screen and forces us to pay attention. Away from the email updates, the Slack thread and the Google Meet. It makes us think, which can be terrifying.

Our thoughts are scary at times. Hopes that have turned to fears and dreams that have been shattered, only to leave us outside, cold and alone.

Thoughts are terrifying, they make us consider what we want and what we need. They are what makes us human and yet we spend a lifetime running away from them.

As an Only Child

I was raised as an only child, not through choice, it wasn't like I had siblings and my Mum chose to remove them, it is through the consideration of divorce. Whilst my Mum wanted another child there were years of baggage that she needed to deal with from my father and consequently, it took her too long to trust again. I was and always will be an only child.

This is not said in anger. It is said in appreciation of what will be will be. I don't consider myself to be a victim, to be someone who has suffered, I consider myself blessed. I was raised by a loving Mum and two Grandparents that despite their age would do anything for me.

This was my family unit growing up and I have no regrets.

Being an only child means that you spent a lot of time alone. Solo cricket was a favourite sport and video games filled in the blanks. I had a lot of time to myself and have, therefore, consequently never been adverse to spending time alone.

Over the past two years, this has been tested through the pandemic but regardless of the odd wobble, I have been great. Left to my own devices each and every day to process and grow. To continue to enjoy my own company whilst I wait for the world to return to normal (which will never happen).

Being alone scares me. I love my wife and my friends, and would be fearful of a life lived outside of society but spending time alone to think? No. I'm very happy about that. To be able to process my thoughts, learn and grow outside of the noise of everyday life? I am happy to live my life in that vein.

Living Alone

Living alone would terrify me. After a few weeks, I would begin speaking to myself and after a few months I would throw in the towel, becoming a complete recluse, anxious about the world around me. Speaking to colleagues and the postman would be my treat, my one chance to speak with other humans outside of me and my Cat.

No. Living alone and ultimately, being alone does not appeal to me.

I would much prefer the life that I have right now, working from home, living with my wife and being able to see friends and family when I choose. Living alone may work for some and I do regularly joke about it but realistically, I would feel lonely.

Living alone is something that I am happy to do in short doses as my wife and I do need time apart, but long term, I need her support. Having her in my life enriches it greatly and I would be lost without her support. The moment that ceases to be the case, my life will take a dramatic turn for the worst, as I walk through the corridors of life, lost.

Moments of Peace

Working at home on my own I get plenty of peace and quiet. The only noise is the fish. The noise of their filter flowing up and down draws away any other sound and yet it is still peaceful and provides me with the chance to reflect daily. Being able to do so is essential to my well being and whilst I fear living on my own and being lonely, taking time out to think about my life is great.

Moments of peace are critical, especially in today's, social media-induced era where we are required to scroll through life and comment on everything. Moments of peace provide clarity and the space to think, as we are human and are required to absorb so much information that sometimes we break.

We have breakdowns and are required to take time off.

Taking a moment to sit in a pub, cafe, the park or even simply, your living room, provides the chance to ponder our lives. We are after all delicate creatures with a mental health balance that can simply be thrown out of wack at the mention of a word. We are sensitive and need to talk/think about our lives and what our next move will be. A key part of this is moments of silence and being alone.

A Final Thought

Sitting alone is not shameful and we should not feel shame for doing so. We should feel pride in the consideration that our mental health is of importance. We are not automatons that can be left, completing the same task over and over again, we are complex creatures who require constant maintenance.

Sitting alone in a pub is something that I rarely do. This is due to the consideration that I do not drink that much owing to the fact that I have a set income and have priorities in my life. As much as I would love to go out every night, I am unable to do so and need to prioritise.

Sitting alone is socially awkward and when you see others doing so it is usually due to the fact that they are waiting for someone.

It is not because they are looking for time to ponder the struggles of their life. It is because they were early and their friends have yet to get to the venue. It is understandable that at this point in time, we feel the need to get our phones out and blend into the background but we shouldn't. We should be proud of the fact that we are happy to sit alone.