Should You Keep Secrets About Your Past from Your Partner?

by Susan McCord 10 months ago in advice

How much should you tell your partner and aren’t some things better left unsaid?

There is such a thing as too much information and not every little thing needs to be discussed about your past life before they arrived on the scene!

Some of us have the gift of the gab and don’t know when to zip it, and others are so closed-mouthed that they are perceived as unemotional or introverted. There needs to be a happy medium in a partnership.

As a relationship coach, I have spoken with many women (and some men, too) who think they need to relieve their guilty conscience by sharing every sorted detail from their past with their partners.

Before you make this decision, you need to weigh things out and make sense of whether this is really beneficial to your relationship:

  1. Will this help you grow together as a couple?
  2. Will it change the dynamics between you in a negative way?
  3. Why do you feel the need to share it?
  4. Is this something you need to say because it is holding you back on an emotional or romantic level?
  5. Is this a childhood flashback that you had buried long ago and you are just now remembering? Do you think it would help your partner to better understand you?
  6. Is there something you have not discussed from your past that could help your partner with a similar scenario that is now happening to them?
  7. Is it a life-threatening or health-related secret? (This needs to be shared and your partner should never be the last to know.)
  8. Will your partner be happy you told them this secret?
Does your partner desperately need to know all the sorted details of your past? Would you want to know if they shared the same information with you?

I have had to “have the talk” with some of my male and female clients about giving out too much information on the first few dates. You don’t have to tell them how many people you have slept with, how long it has been since you had sex, show them any "body flaws" you don’t like, or tell them your brother is in jail!

It might be a good idea to see if you even like them first before you give out any personal information! You don’t need to share everything. Leaving a little mystery is sexy and makes your date want to find out more about you!

If there is some big secret you are hiding that will become a detrimental problem down the road as your relationship progresses, you need to discuss it with them earlier rather than later. Don’t blindside them with something devastating after you move in together or get married!

Be careful what you "do and don’t" share in your relationship. Some things are private and are put on your path for you to learn and enhance your own personal journey.

Please watch the video above for more information on this topic!

Sybersue xo ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Show YouTube

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Susan McCord

Susan McCord (Dear Sybersue) is a Dating/Relationship Advice Show Host, Author, Certified Coach & Advice Columnist. She is a mature woman with young sassy attitude! She’s been there done that, has so many T-shirts she can open a store! 

See all posts by Susan McCord