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Should I Give My Cheating Partner Another Chance?

by Leonora Watkins 4 months ago in advice

Should you forgive them? Or forget them?

Should I Give My Cheating Partner Another Chance?
Photo by Shingi Rice on Unsplash

With over 80% of people having cheated on their significant other at some point in a relationship, cheating is hardly rare. And for some, that's it, game over, but others are willing to look past someone's infidelity and carry on with a relationship. Whether or not this is the right thing to do is not for me to say, but if you want to "forgive" a cheater, then there will be things you need to think about.

Can You Move On?

Can you move on from the fact that they cheated and not mention it again? Can you move on and not be worried every time they go out by themselves? If you want to carry on with a relationship then this is something that you will have to do. You can't say that you have forgiven them and moved on when you throw it in their face every time you feel a little insecure about their actions. It is something that you have to put behind you and if you can't do that, then I don't recommend giving someone a second chance, as it will very quickly turn into a toxic relationship.

Are They Sorry?

Have they shown any remorse for what they did? Are they sorry they cheated? Or are they just sorry that they got caught? For you to forgive someone, you have to know that they are sorry about what happened. If they are not sorry, there isn't any point in continuing the relationship because they have no respect for you or the relationship.

By Jakob Rosen on Unsplash

Can You Ever Trust Them Again?

Even if they beg you to take them back and want to earn your trust, can you give it to them? No matter how sorry they are and how much they might want you back, you will have to learn to trust them again, if you can't then there is no hope for the relationship! And trust means just that, you have to be able to trust that they will not do this again, it is a gamble, and you have to be prepared to make it.

Who Was It?

This might not seem like it matters, but it does! If it was a stranger in a bar or whatever, that's bad, but it's not as bad as if it is someone they are good friends with or someone they work with. It will be a hell of a lot more difficult for you to get over it an affair if it is someone close to them.

Especially if it is a work colleague; a close friend can be avoided, a work colleague can't and it will eat you alive thinking about what they are doing at work. I have seen this kind of affair destroy even the mentally strongest of people because they thought that they could handle it when they couldn't.

Do You Want To Forgive Them?

Or do you just not want the other person to win? Think very carefully about your reasons for wanting to take them back. Are they worth what you are going to have to put yourself through? Because it won't be easy and so your reasons will need to be solid.

Forgive And Forget?

It's your decision whether you forgive someone for cheating on you or not. But you need to think about how hard it will be for you to learn to trust them again and whether it is worth it or not. But always remember that everyone, in every relationship, people deserve to be treated with kindness and respect; cheating isn't respectful and you deserve better than that.

advice

Leonora Watkins

A qualified counsellor and an even more qualified queer. I specialise in victims of rape and sexual assault. I also have a degree in behaviour analysis.

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