She Prophesied My Death, and I Stopped to Fear

Love

I used to be a cheerful girl who was rushing into childish sorrow and joy, both with the same zeal. I got strongly carried away and stoically endured failures. I got sick with many childhood illnesses in succession: broke my arm in a skating rink, fell through the frail April ice one time, and once almost died from anaphylactic shock.

No one was truly worried about me or tried to protect me because the safety margin I possessed was truly inhumane. It was very likely the result of love everybody bestowed on me which was accumulated over my childhood.

Companionship

Kids can be cruel in their antipathy as much as they can be passionate about friendship. I didn't know the taste of opposition, though. I seemed to be an exception - a pet to every girl, a confidante to every boy, and a favorite to every adult.

Plump and rosy-cheeked as a baby, I was skinny and pale when a toddler and a teen. Always cheerful, but never laughing out loud, I appeared to always know how to behave and what to say to a party of elderly people or a group of children of any age.

Appreciation

My family lived in a three-story apartment building. Our balcony, located on the first floor, faced the front gate of our tiny grocery store. Kids from the entire village gathered there. We used to exchange our own silent language and meet outside.

We played picture cards or staged some play or other for grownups from the area. We drafted specific invitations as our performances were popular and we liked the idea of choosing the audience.

I was a source of endless ideas for costumes or the dialogue's comical language. My sense of humor was superb, and laughter accompanied every act.

Everybody thought I would make a lead actor or a director in the theater world or even cinema. My ability to change the timbre and depth of my voice, coming now from the upper part of vocal cords and then from my chest, was fascinating.

Self-Belief

I used to think my never-ending source of energy and ideas would be like an immortal all- present sun, that only in cloudy weather could not be seen, but everybody knew still existed in our sky. When I got sick, no one paid attention to this. They considered any misfortune on my path as a slightly darkened forecast, "We might not see her today, but tomorrow she will rise again as Sun always does."

And true to this expectation, I woke up the next morning and went out to the balcony with my hand bandaged or my head wrapped.

Fear

But one thing finally broke through that love-shielding wall that I'm sure protected me, and that jolly spirit perished with it. On one occasion coming home from school a gypsy woman stopped me and driven by curiosity I let her take my hand. She predicted my death from a fall. Yes. So silly: no particulars of any sort, just a silly woman saying a silly thing out of spite just to scare a girl out of her wits.

My passionate nature dis-served me this time, and I was carried away by that nonsense. My countenance, full of lifeblood, had transformed into paleness that was not noble anymore, rather it was unwell, and my tiny frame gave the impression of some sickness.

From that time every disease I suffered, from drained the life out of me drop by drop. There was a sickening flavor about me that made one think of misfortunes, bad luck, and weakness.

That unfortunate prophecy stole the charisma that I undoubtedly possessed, and the admiration everyone felt towards me yielded to the force of death that obsessed my mind and changed my looks drastically to the worse.

I was withering as a flower pulled from its soil. Dread of everything that life is - trials and failures, meetings and partings, praise and hearsay - was a murderous weapon that made me a shadow-like version of myself.

I desperately needed someone else's sympathy, approval, and love. I had all of it in abundance when I could give my cheerful smile in return. When a gloomy mood possessed me, any positive feedback from outside was forever lost.

What I've learned

At the age of 14, I almost died from a minor cold. That occasion helped me to recover my champion spirit. Shivering on the edge of life and death, I realized that I didn't fear life anymore. The world with death being an integral part of it wasn't a poisonous place for me from then on.

Now I know

Life of toil and struggle is a sad destiny of people in a constant state of fear. Happiness is impossible when all things are alarming and every person is distressing.

And even a faint glimmering of love changes the way a person feels. Any gloom is relieved with the warmth of sincere affection. In the nature of all things, friends are more costly than any luxuries in life. Compassionate touch and heartfelt conversation with the person who cares about you, empower you physically and emotionally.

In this state, you know that troubles cannot last forever and by degrees, life will get better. The belief in this axiom attracts positive vibes and favorable circumstances follow along.

The wealth of love opens up our inner resources. With it in your heart you can handle any judgment people make about you, taking no interest in what kind of esteem they hold you in. The brave spirit of an adventurer reigns in your life and you take risks and come out winning most of the time.