Shameful Thoughts In A Survivors Mind
Thoughts inside of me
I learned a long time ago, that words hurt. And it's to much at times the words of hate and racism. How is it all my life I never once thought of any of this. The sadness, the anger, how I feel alone most of the time. Most of the time it's easy lately not to so much.
I lost my aunt during Easter sunday, she was the last of the remaining family that was closest to on Mommow's side of the family.
Why is it that I feel so alone when I'm married, happily married at that. I'm in a strange city conscious of my surroundings. Yet nothing is the same at all, while we await news of my husband's green card paperwork processing my life becomes harder.
Every time I come back to the States I feel as though I always lose something that matters.
First, it was a miscarriage. Second, nearly my sanity. Third, nearly my rights could have been signed away. Forth, I missed my husband's birthday and dealing with my own problems as well as his.
Now, I'm here again rebuilding my income in a homeless shelter while everything slowly comes to place.
I look out every window absentmindedly feeling a sense of sadness that I don't always get what I want. Even though I am no stranger to this phrase.
I feel like no matter how hard I try nothing is good enough. My hardships have yet to be decided. I think I'm tired of the struggles, the sadness. Feeling I'm not good enough. But I think what makes things easier, is the support of those around me.
Today, is my interview I should be proud right now instead I feel ashamed. You know it's never easy when you try hard to prepare. Sometimes it's hard to take the feels of your spouse.
"Did a crazy person dress you."
Of course, he continues to insult, and of course I know I don't look good. I am trying my hardest. No, nothing is good enough. It's not to late... Are you trying to self-sabotage yourself? No, I'm not. You're dressing like a preschool teacher. As the insults pile up I'm crying now. I try to tell him how I feel, then me by not listening that hurts his feelings.
How is me not taking the bloody insults considered hurtful to him? I am dressing within my means. I don't understand anything now.
By now, what I learned in the mind of a survivor I know how I should be spoken to and it's not like that.
At this point I need a cigarette...
He really, hurt me.
"And I hope you get a good dose of reality."
In my mind, I already have and it's not this conversation. I swear what pisses me off more then anything is at first I almost believed what he said.
I will never believe an insult, I say in my head constantly.
It just goes to show you, never believe insults anyone tells you. Whether it's a spouse, co-worker, or boss. Think highly of yourself, and hold on to those positive thoughts.
Don't mask your smiles when you feel miserable inside. Don't settle for less, think higher of yourself.
"Your not the only one with feelings."
Ya says the guy who said awful things about how I dress. When I'm trying to dress within my means.
When he spoke to me that way, I felt like I wanted to flaw out my own eyes. Even though I would never do no such thing.
As a survivor, I have let others victimise me for so long. But enough is enough. One of the shameful thoughts I have, is not worthy. Changing the mindset is probably the hardest.
I didn't self-sabotage myself at all, I don't know why he said this to me. I don't know if I will ever know. Still think he should be on fashion police, if it was still on air.
About the Creator
Louise Blake-Michael (Risen Phoenix)
LouLou maintains a boundary between her professional endeavors and personal life. She wears many hats as an author, blogger, and content creator. In various projects, each one a testament to her dedication and passion for storytelling.
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Discrimination Within the Homeless Community
It's so easy to be victimized by people if you let it happen. The world is full of all sorts of dangers, but when trying to get back on our feet establishments will make things harder on on us. Trying to better our lives sometimes doesn't matter, we all need to get out of that mentality. Sometimes things aren't supposed to come easy people are supposed to be road blocks to show us we can make it whatever it takes.
By Louise Blake-Michael (Risen Phoenix)about a year ago in Humans
Title: "Jimmy Carter: An American Excursion of Sympathy and Administration"
In the tranquil town of Fields, Georgia, there carried on with a little fellow named Jimmy who had a voracious interest and endless energy. Since the beginning, he longed for having an effect on the planet, enlivened by the tales of extraordinary legends he read about in books. As Jimmy became older, his feeling of direction just escalated. Not entirely settled to make history, to go to bat for what was correct and battle for the people who couldn't battle for themselves. With a heart loaded with desire and a head brimming with dreams, Jimmy set out on an excursion that would lead him to become perhaps of the most cherished and powerful figure in American history. His name was Jimmy Carter. From his unassuming starting points in provincial Georgia to the consecrated corridors of the White House, Jimmy Carter's process was one of boldness, sympathy, and unflinching commitment to serving others. As a young fellow, Jimmy was attracted to the goals of equity and equity, propelled by the social liberties development that was clearing across the South. He chipped in for the Harmony Corps, venturing out to far off towns in Africa to assist with further developing admittance to medical services and schooling. Yet, it was his re-visitation of Georgia that would genuinely show Jimmy the way to significance. Energized by a longing to make positive change in his own local area, Jimmy hurled himself entirely into nearby governmental issues, ultimately ascending to turn into the legislative head of Georgia. His experience as lead representative was set apart by striking changes and moderate approaches, acquiring him public acknowledgment and making way for his possible campaign for the most elevated position in the land. In 1976, Jimmy Carter was chosen Leader of the US in a notable triumph that caught the creative mind of the country. His administration was characterized by a pledge to harmony, discretion, and common liberties, as he worked energetically to facilitate nonaggression treaties, advance natural protection, and champion the freedoms of ladies and minorities. In any case, maybe Jimmy Carter's most prominent inheritance lies not in that frame of mind of force, but rather in the endless lives he contacted through his generous work and philanthropic endeavors. Indeed, even subsequent to leaving office, Jimmy kept on devoting himself to causes more significant than himself, building homes for the destitute, upholding for worldwide wellbeing drives, and energetically attempting to advance harmony and a majority rules government all over the planet. Today, Jimmy Carter is recollected as an incredible pioneer, yet as a genuine American legend whose empathy, honesty, and unflinching devotion to support keep on moving ages of Americans to take a stab at a superior world. In the quiet town of Fields, Georgia, the sun rose over fields of cotton, giving occasion to feel qualms about a warm gleam the unobtrusive home where Jimmy Carter spent his childhood days. Since the beginning, Jimmy was imparted with the upsides of difficult work, lowliness, and empathy by his caring guardians, Lord and Lillian Carter. As a little fellow, Jimmy's creative mind took off as he ate up books about history, science, and the existences of extraordinary pioneers. He was especially attracted to the tales of Abraham Lincoln, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and Martin Luther Lord Jr., whose fortitude and vision motivated him to accept that one individual could genuinely have an effect on the planet. Jimmy's hunger for information drove him to succeed in school, where he separated himself as a splendid and aggressive understudy. He fantasized going to the US Maritime Foundation and serving his country as a maritime official, a fantasy that would at last turn into a reality. In the wake of moving on from the Maritime Foundation in 1946, Jimmy left on a recognized military profession, serving on board submarines and ascending through the positions to turn into a regarded official. It was during this time that Jimmy's feeling of obligation and obligation to support developed, as he saw firsthand the penances made by his kindred servicemen and ladies. In any case, Jimmy's life would go off in a strange direction when his dad became sick and died, provoking him to leave the Naval force and get back to Georgia to assume control over the family nut ranch. It was here, in the midst of the fields of peanuts and cotton, that Jimmy would track down his actual reason for living. Driven by a craving to work on the existences of people around him, Jimmy hurled himself entirely into local area activism and nearby governmental issues, in the end ascending to turn into the legislative leader of Georgia in 1971. His residency as lead representative was set apart by a progression of moderate changes, including extending admittance to medical services, further developing schooling, and advancing racial fairness. In 1976, Jimmy Carter sent off his notable mission for the administration, running on a foundation of trustworthiness, uprightness, and sympathy. Despite everything, Jimmy arose triumphant, turning into the 39th Leader of the US and satisfying his life as a youngster fantasy about serving his country at the most elevated level. As president, Jimmy Carter's initiative was characterized by a pledge to discretion, common liberties, and civil rights. He handled noteworthy nonaggression treaties among Israel and Egypt, advocated the privileges of ladies and minorities, and worked enthusiastically to lighten destitution and craving both at home and abroad. Yet, maybe Jimmy Carter's most persevering through inheritance lies in his post-official years, where he has committed himself to compassionate causes and charity through the Carter Community. From killing illnesses like Guinea worm and stream visual deficiency to advancing majority rules government and compromise all over the planet, Jimmy Carter's enthusiastic endeavors have contacted the existences of millions and roused another age of pioneers to emulate his example. Today, Jimmy Carter's heritage lives on as a brilliant illustration of being a genuine American legend - a man of trustworthiness, empathy, and relentless commitment to serving others. From the cotton fields of Fields, Georgia, to the blessed lobbies of the White House and then some, Jimmy Carter's process reminds us generally that with fortitude, assurance, and an unflinching obligation to our qualities, the sky is the limit.
By Nameless writer3 days ago in Humans
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