Setting Boundaries.

Bound·a·ry (ˈbound(ə)rē): a limit of a subject or sphere of activity.

For the past year I’ve seen an ongoing theme of setting boundaries in different relationships, whether platonic or romantic.

How do you decide what are simply just boundaries or walls you’ve put up to prevent the past from repeating itself?

Healthy boundaries include real and honest communication, and a little bit of confidence doesn’t hurt. Being scared to set boundaries with the people in your life only leads to a very faulty foundation, that is bound to crack under even the slightest amount of pressure.

If I’ve learned anything; there’s a difference between being flexible and being walked over.

I had a very honest talk with my friend about a situation in which she clearly lacked boundaries. She had come to me countless times about advice for a complicated “situationship”, and honestly it was getting tired. It was the same problem over and over again. I tried giving my unbiased opinion on the matter, but how unbiased can you get when it comes to your best friend. She always complained that the man she was dealing with thought she was rushing into a relationship, when in reality she just wanted to be respected.

Which seems to be a very thin line for most men, but I digress.

After talking to the both of them, I had realized that their communication skills, for lack of better words, sucked. She was always ready to block him when things didn’t go her way and he’d shut down the moment things got heated.

How far are you actually supposed to go to get your point across? At what point are you risking the integrity of the bond you’ve built with someone?

Boundaries can easily be crossed, because well it’s hard for us to see things that aren’t physically there. I reassured both of them that most of their problems could be solved by just a simple conversation, but truthfully, is it ever that easy when feelings are involved? After a few sarcastic remarks and maybe an eye roll or two the both of them had the necessary conversation.

They agreed to something along the lines of “building a strong friendship” before they delved into anything deeper, but I know and they know that their attraction to each other can blur lines sometimes.

How often do we let our attraction to someone question the boundaries we set in place to prevent a hurt that we have seen before? Walking into a new season in my life and meeting new people has caused me to seriously rethink my boundaries and how strong they really are.

After my last relationship, like many of us do, I dramatically swore off any type of relationship with men, in fear of getting hurt again, but the hopeless romantic in me could never. Instead I’ve taken the time to rethink my boundaries and where they need to be stronger.

Rely on your boundaries and intuition to weed out the bad ones. Thinking that everyone is such a great person with these great intentions only hurt me in the end, when they couldn’t rise to the occasion. I’ve decided to take people as who they show they are and just accept them at face value.

One of the boundaries I’ve realized were weak was how forgiving I am and the many chances I give people. I value the people in my life and have a very well understanding that we’re all human and we make mistakes, but why should I have to suffer at the cost of your mistakes. Letting go is also another weakness I am practicing being stronger at. I think as a society we’ve been conditioned to the notion that if we hold onto something or someone it shows how much we care about it. For me, I never wanted someone to be able to say I didn’t try my best.

But honestly if you did the best you could in the relationship and they still choose to leave, I think you should take that as a sign.

I definitely have. All the things I prayed for and manifested appeared right in front of me as soon as I let go of what I thought I wanted. It was as if seeing magic in real life.

Let’s just be honest sometimes really terrible things happen to us, people leave, people hurt us, people can be selfish; but sometimes it’s truly for the best and is preparing you for the next step in your life. I wholeheartedly believe that I wouldn’t appreciate the good things in my life if it wasn’t for the bad.

“We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person’s feeling” – Melody Beattie