Rules to Dating My Son/Daughter
A Story How Someone Posted This Little List About Me and My Feelings On It
We have all seen it floating around social media, the “rules to dating my son/daughter.” We have either loved, liked, hated, had a laugh at it, or we were shocked about it. I saw this post a while back. I was on the receiving end of that rule list posted about me. My blood boiled, the anger living inside me woke up. I was beyond hurt and upset about it. I had been married for two and a half years at this point. I just didn’t understand why anyone in the world would post such an awful thing. “This goes for being married too" was the quote above it. The immediate reaction was to call the person in question. Then something inside me said stop, take a minute, take a deep breath. Take a deep breath! Take a deep breath!? Yeah right, I’m fuming. My hand has balled up into a fist and I’m ready to unleash a shit storm.
My problem with social media is things like this are used as weapons and voices for the cowards behind keyboards .I could do three things, make the phone call, fire back on social media, or ignore the beloved post. Before the epic battle that was about to start between my husband and I. My husband was already doing damage control. “It wasn’t about you!” He says. If my eyes were daggers he would be a goner. “Yeah ok, I’m sure it wasn’t!” I spit back.” I wasn’t born yesterday to know otherwise!” I am screaming through tears. We exchanged some other words and silent I was on the topic for a while. I was so deeply hurt and embarrassed by this human that I vowed to never do this to my kids or the person they ended up with down the line. At the time I didn’t realize it but I was learning a lesson about jealousy, negativity, and someone else insecurity. A lesson that has kept with me three years later. A lesson I recall every time I see this lovely person because three years later she's still the same person.
Life is about experiences, about living in a moment. Not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to agree with everything you do. However they should respect you enough to shut their trap about it. My kids will not be told who they can and cannot date/marry. I’m not going to do that to them because they are indeed their own person and who am I to “set rules” on their happiness?! To this day I am still treated like garbage, I take mental notes and lock them away in this rebuilt wall installed with a thumb print scanner.
I was in my mid 20s when that happened and my reaction then was immature. I’m now thirty, and I would have handled it so much different. My reaction would be nothing, not a peep, not a sound. I’d just take notes on the entire event. My kids will not incorporate me in any fights with their partner. My kids—I hope will know what love looks like, (my husband and I work hard to show them what love and respect is and looks like.) and what to pick out in a partner. I won’t let my own personal insecurities project on to someone by bashing them on social media. I won’t hide behind a keyboard and post nasty things about them for the world to see.
The world called me that morning. They asked if I saw “the thing” that was posted about me. “Did you see what (insert any name here) posted about you?!””Are you ok?” “Did something happen” asked by the peanut gallery. “Yes I’m fine, no nothing happened that I’m aware of.” I’d say. Here is the thing I missed the most important fact. I didn’t need to lash out because this human was making themselves look awful on their own. This is the stuff I missed in my mid 20s. This is another learning curve in being married and what comes along with it. Take the good and the bad—either laugh it up or let it destroy your self-esteem and worth as a mother and wife. Misery loves company—try not be the company to the party.
Before you post anything about your kids partner—remember this rule. Mind your business and let your kid thrive. Let them see what life has in store for them. Be happy for them, support them, love for them. Be the topic of good conversation not an argument in the kitchen about the next visit. Build bridges in a relationship not set fire to it. These should actually be called “rules to loving my children’s significant other.” That’s a list I could get behind.