Humans logo

Right Vs. Right Now

by Rachelle Janssen 8 months ago in advice

Patience, the long lost virtue.

In this world we’re offered so many choices, so many avenues to go down. Unfortunately, many of us get so wrapped up in the moment that we forget to ask ourselves if we should travel down that path, myself included. We see the shiny lights, the Hollywood ending, and fail to realize it’s a movie, a story, a social fed outlet to enrapture us into submission. Don’t ask questions, don’t rock the boat, and we get to a point so far from our destination with only pieces of ourselves left because we’ve either traded it away for things we thought would make us happy, or gave it away like candy on Halloween to earn favor, counting on random people to be our barometers of happiness instead of standing our ground, and knowing our worth.

We're told to guard our hearts, don't wear it on your sleeve. Would you put your life in a stranger’s hands that you met in a bar, hand him a gun and play Russian roulette with your last breath? Hopefully you answered no, and it’s because you value your life, and aren’t completely devoid of intelligence. So why is it then that we give our hearts, our life-spring, our source of vitality, away at the slightest interest or quick promise to a mere acquaintance? I’ve heard so many times "Chivalry is dead," No, I disagree…it was murdered. Our generation has become so manically focused on trying to prove that women can do everything men can do that women are losing their uniqueness. Women weren’t created to do everything a man can do. Women were created to do everything a man can’t do. As we fight to become the same, we take away what’s setting us apart, what’s left to protect, to cherish, to fight for if everything is given freely and if we’re ‘one of the guys’? We’re wired entirely different from our counterpart, and for good reason. I mean can you imagine men giving birth? Cold season comes 'round and they all regress to 5-year-olds.

You want to be cherished, protected, treated with respect? Then stop laying the bar on the ground and being shocked when every boy that can shave walks across it demanding your time and attention. Set that bar high ladies, and don’t just dog on men who can’t reach it. Instead of tearing them down, encourage them to be better, try harder, show more respect, and hold them accountable. Stop getting mad at them for not meeting the expectations you never cared to share with them. Contrary to popular belief, men can’t read minds. Are you upset? Don’t just tell them, share why you are. Discuss it like an adult, not a spoiled brat.

Men listen to what a woman, not girl in high heels, is telling you. Don’t zone out because it’s not about Star Wars or sports. You have no idea the impact it makes on our hearts, and how gushy we become when you remember little details of conversations and act on them. Our favorite flower, dessert, movie, song, etc. Anyway I digress, the reason for this was to note and share, through my experience and that of others; the difference between Right and Right-Now.

When it comes to relationships, we are an impatient society, losing out temper and self-control when things don’t go our way or fast enough, and in succumbing to this downfall, we’ve grown complacent with our hearts, and as a result creating a society of spurned people with jaded hearts that have no concept of trust or selflessness. So, I urge you to be proactive. Protect your heart. Treat it like the treasure it is, because you are a prize to be won, fought for, not to be given away freely. Don’t fear the challenge, relish in it because nothing worth having comes without a fight.

So as far as protecting our hearts goes, there is a difference between MR/MRS Right, and Right-Now. Be on the lookout...

Right-now is sultry, smooth, the best deceiver. All the gain with no effort. Immediate, but never lasting. ‘I’ve never felt something so real’ it says but in reality, wears a mask so tight that even it has forgotten its face. Instead molding new ones to suit its own purpose. Right-Now tempts you with a whirlwind, full of fun and adventure. Pushing you to the edge of your comfort zone, egging you to jump off the edge of the cliff, ‘to fully live you have to take risks’ it exclaims, but instead it waits to laugh at the brokenness it creates with your heart.

But Right? Right is at the bottom. The one you never saw, the heart you never gave a chance because Right-Now blinded you. But there, at the bottom, Right is there, catching you, patching up your heart with duct tape and super glue. Right sees past the imperfections, the physical traits you see from the mirror and dread. 'You are no rose my love,’ it whispers to your heart, ‘roses are overindulged and overused; but a sunflower stands tall, makes you want to close your eyes and drink it in. I must close my eyes because your beauty shines brighter than any rose, lily, or cherry blossom; because you are named after the sun my heart. You are more intense and captivating than any other flora and so many have overlooked you because it takes time for one’s eyes to adjust to something so bright and they miss the depth of you because they only focus on the surface.'

Right is quiet, soft, never making you question yourself, instead it’s already telling you how breathtaking you are as you nervously bite your lip. How handsome you are cooking dinner. Right encourages, building a strong foundation in its relationships, knowing hard times are a part of life and wants a firm ground beneath your feet so you don’t fall anywhere but into its arms.

Right-now however beats you up; your heart, your confidence, using you as the pun of it’s jokes to impress others in order to dial down its own self-hatred, or as a stepping stone for experience. The funny thing is, Right-Now is easy, exhilarating even! Full of life and promises but void of any pulse or proof. But Right? Right doesn’t care about your past except that it brought you to where you needed to be…in this exact moment…Right here.

Right is scary because it’s real. It’s daring you to trust and laugh wholeheartedly, when you don’t remember how to laugh, let alone if it’s possible again. Never demanding, only asking and giving of itself, Right scares the hell out of you because it asks for all of you. Not just the pretty, but the bruised and broken. Right offers hope. Right-Now offers sugar coated lies. Right takes its time, offering patience because its eyes are on the future, the long game. Right-Now only asks for the moment because it knows, it has no future.

I know it’s hard to wait on the Right one, and I know we get them mixed up from time to time. I’m guilty of this too. But I can tell you, it’s better to wait for Right, then to waste your time, energy, and emotional health on Right-Now. So be patient. Love yourself first and be content being single before you look to bring someone into your life, because instead of making them part of your life, they will BE your entire life. Which is neither smart nor healthy in the short term, and can be absolutely devastating in the long term.

Rachelle Janssen
Rachelle Janssen
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Rachelle Janssen
See all posts by Rachelle Janssen

Find us on socal media

Miscellaneous links