Relationship Tips That Are Actually Terrible Advice

Many people consider personal relationships with their loved ones very precious, some of the most valued things in life, so it is no wonder there are so many books and trainings on how to improve your love life. Everyone and their cat is practically ready to jump at a chance to give you advice on how you should go about organizing your relationship. The truth is, if there was a universal way to make a relationship work for a long, happy, and steady time, there wouldn’t be so many relationship books, specialists, and advice floating around. That’s all good, but there’s an underside. Not all relationship tips are working. Others aren’t working for you specifically, and some can be downright harmful. Here are a few relationship tips that shouldn’t be taken at face value.

“Let them make the first move.”

Ask yourself, if you want to approach someone or let them know that you are interested in getting to know them better, why is it that you want them to take up the initiative? What if they also are too shy to start? Maybe being straightforward is better, in this case. If they are as interested, and even if they are not, by going ahead and just asking the question, you will save yourself a lot of time and worry. And if your approach is welcome, they will be very flattered, as an additional bonus.

“Look for a partner who loves all your hobbies.”

Sounds just too limiting. Besides, having separate hobbies is a great way for a couple to keep something of themselves to themselves, in a good way. Things like that are known to make relationships more stable. So, if you enjoy cooking, go ahead and make that quaker oats meatloaf or tortellini salad, and enjoy the art of cooking on your own, and let your partner do the eating if they hate working around the kitchen.

“They can change."

People often stay with partners who make them feel bad, even abusive partners, in hopes that for some reason they would change. Consider this: If for you to be happy you need someone else to change, you, first of all, do not accept that person the way they are, and also place your own happiness into the hands of someone else. Do not wait for someone to change, for your sake or for anyone else’s. Make your own decisions, and if your partner wants to change to follow, they will, and if they don’t—well, you’ll have to respect their decision.

“Each partner should do their fair share.”

While working on relationships and family life together sounds absolutely reasonable, you can easily get stuck into calculating who does how much. And this could lead to a total disaster. If you notice that you’ve whipped out that mental Excel spreadsheet and started cataloguing every little thing your partner does or doesn’t do, you’re treading dangerous waters. There are a lot of things in family life that are not worth splitting hairs over, so take that spreadsheet out only if the divide is very drastically uneven. So, sometimes, if you’ve been working all weekend and your partner has gone and enjoyed themselves a bit too much, cooking them a bowl of a hangover soup is better than handing out the list of what you have done and what they should have done.

“The secret to a happy marriage is a compromise."

This largely depends. If you’re the only one doing the compromising, and if your partner thinks a compromise is when you agree to agree, time after time, to their own decisions, maybe it’s time to ask yourself some questions, like: Do you even have a say in this marriage? Are you listened to? Are you heard?

Relationships are hard work, and not all advice and tips may suit your particular situation. Listen to your heart, to your own common sense, and seek out professional help if you feel at a complete loss.