Relationship Advice

by Ana Redding 4 months ago in advice

Letting the past go

Relationship Advice

What is worth all the stress? What do you get as an end result when reflecting upon the past? Isn't it called the past because it is already fulfilled? The past is a sign to move on; otherwise it wouldn't be called the PAST. If you keep taking the past with you every second of the day, it becomes tiring and unbearable in some situations.

As a catholic, I believe God puts you with the right people eventually. This can be in friendships and relationships. "How would I know this?" you may ask. Well, I was in terrible relationships. I've been through partially emotional and physical abuse, and I know how it feels to not feel worthy in relationships. I convinced myself that the past still matters when the breakup happened. I took the relationship memories with me for years until I realized it isn't worth it to keep holding on to it. You don't get anything out of it; all you get are painful memories and nobody wants to keep that with them forever. It prevents you from being the best you can be in life; which is the end goal in life.

Once you find the right person, all that pain floats away into nonexistence and you feel better. You realize those guys in the past aren't the norm. You start to only remember the good parts of the past, especially in childhood. You have found the right person when you realize the bad parts of your past do not matter anymore and focus on your current partner. It is understandable that for some people, it may take some time in the new relationship to get past the old. What matters is how you handle it. There will always be obstacles in your path. If you learn how to manage it, it will come easier to you.

As for friendships, there is something called a “toxic friendship.” Toxic friendships include controlling individuals and those who do not want to see you succeed in life. They don’t care whether you fall off a bridge or not as long as you please them. If one stays in this type of friendship, succeeding in life will be hard if one, especially if you have a complainer in their life such as this specific friend. In my life, I had a friend who was mad at me on and off for years. It got so bad to the point that she didn’t even help me when I almost got kidnapped. I thought, “What is the point of having her as a friend if she doesn’t have my back?” In the end, you have to love yourself and if the individual is preventing this, you need to cut them off. It isn’t healthy for either of you. Maybe after you, they will find a friend that is just like them. I always have high hopes for people so I believe that in the end, they might discover how badly they treated you by what other people treat them.

The golden rule is highly respected in my family: “treat others the way you want to be treated.” By sticking to this, you realize that you don’t deserve maltreatment from anyone. I don’t like seeing anybody suffer, and I’m sure you do not either. It is hard for anybody to cut off somebody in their life that meant everything to them. But you aren’t anybody’s “watchdog,” and you are only responsible for yourself in the end. Cutting somebody out who isn’t worth it in your life is the first step in becoming a better you. Remember: your mental health is very important.

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