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Rejection

A good year and counting of rejections

By Annie CurranPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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Rejection has been a challenging topic for me since November 2019. I‘ve dealt with a lot of rejection which I will eventually go into in this story, for someone who takes things very personally and gets emotional about things. I take rejection quite personally, too personally.

The first rejection was from my recent ex-boyfriend. For some reason, I wasn’t expecting it, but deep down, I had some doubt. Ending that relationship was so much for me, just as painful as the relationship itself. However, I had to endure the pain for longer, a year longer. I wouldn’t say it was a rollercoaster of emotions; it got better each slightly each month. I am happy I finally stopped contacting my ex about halfway through the year, which was a significant milestone. I did get a hiccup when I found out in the last month of me getting over him that I found evidence to confirm that he was back in a relationship with one of his previous ex’s and had been with them for a year. That hurt me for a whole day, but I pushed through!

The next rejection is my continuous rejections from jobs I’ve applied too throughout the time. It’s tough to deal with rejection after rejection. With Covid causing so many people to lose their jobs, it is much harder to find one. I’ve come to question what career I want. I feel I need to explore more careers associated with energy and find the skills I need to develop. However, I also need to accept that I’m not good at maths and discover skills that can apply to the roles I want, and I can still feel creative. Rejection involves understanding what and how it’s going wrong and how I can change that without letting go of my passion and creativity.

The 3rd rejection was from the guys I have been talking too on Tinder. I started dating online from the beginning of Covid; I only started getting close to guys from early July. It got stronger in September, but that’s when it also started crashing down. Even though in September, my pain towards my ex was fading away. I didn’t realise that the fear of rejection didn’t fade away. As I was getting close to guys, I started pointing out all my flaws in myself and craved validation. It was a lot on myself and for them. Some flaws were based on my life experience. However, a massive flaw I discovered in the last guy who rejected me was vaginismus. Vaginismus is a condition where it’s painful to insert anything into the vagina. Although it can be fixed over time, it made me feel so insecure about myself, and the guy couldn’t take it. That hurt me a lot too. .In general, I was rejecting myself by pointing out my flaws.

I see my life so negatively; it’s a vicious cycle. My Dad hates that I think that way, but I feel it’s due to Covid honestly. I never was this negative until Civid hit, that’s when all my chances went out the window for me. I know there is hope but my Dad trying to persuade me to do another Masters is the reason we clash so much. I want to keep striving to find jobs but all he wants me to study again. We sadly don’t think the same way; he has a logical mindset while I think with my emotions. I still love him very much.

I need to keep positive and keep trying new things because there are always new skills that make me creative and passionate.

humanity
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About the Creator

Annie Curran

Just an amateur writer giving personal experiences and advice about different topics. Writing everything that comes to my mind.

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