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Random ruminations

On relationships

By Nefarious DarriusPublished 3 years ago Updated 6 months ago 4 min read
1
The universal language.

12JUL2021; 0010, MON

In no particular order, I'm finna drop some rare gems rapid fire. Full disclosure, it's gonna be a hodgepodge that wades into NSFW (Not Safe For Work) territory.

This might not be my magnum opus, tho it might could save a marriage or two. So, without further ado, my answer to, "What's some of the best relationship advice you've ever received?":

First off, don't be afraid to argue. Bammas be out here legit mistaking quiet for peace.

Let that significant other know that you care by telling them when they have spinach in their teeth, rather than letting them think that everything is kosher. The late, great MLK reportedly borrowed a quote that essentially quipped, "Indifference, not hate, is the opposite of Love."

Whole time, if they tell you that, "It's all Love", you gotta hit them with the, "I Love you more." Of course, be ready to, "show your work", and explain why you feel that way about them on the spot; without rehearsing for hours upon umpteen hours.

Secondly, I mentioned this in a previous post or two; tho, if you can avoid it, I'd say save the marriage and children until after you've lived at least a quarter of a century (25 y/o) breathing in fresh air and such. While we're on the subject, maybe don't make babies with someone who makes you sick to your stomach with their presence alone.

Granted, you might could be in Love when the child/children are conceived; but you don't wanna find out that he/she doesn't like you at all in the middle of the gender reveal. Save the children for after marriage and try to be well into the honeymoon, at least, before the positive (pregnancy) test.

Thirdly, speaking of the honeymoon phase: Ya don't really want your coparent to wake up next to you one day and ask, "What happened to the person who used to do this, that, and the third?" Simple and plain: You never wanna stop dating your spouse.

If you used to let her see your bank statements and/or give her your Washingtons (ones) at the end of every week back when y'all were just getting serious, don't quit right after y'all jump the broom (or, "tie the knot", for y'all non-melanated folks)! Get complacent if you want to...

Matter of fact, rumor has it that there's a "seasoned citizen" who credits her happy and lasting marriage to one daily task: Bringing her hubby OJ in bed every morning, along with a BJ. "Do what you will with that info."

That's a poignant reminder: Maybe think about considering abstinence (til postnuptial) if it's a relationship that you wanna see go the distance. Of course, you might wanna declare that intention from the jump; as well as have a particular timeframe, and/or condition in mind for the boundary being alleviated.

Since nothing lasts forever and our lives are reportedly, "but a vapor", I'd say that it might behoove you to be on the same page as far as estate planning (i.e. write your wills and such) along with spirituality. Also, don't be planning the wedding just to find out only then that he/she doesn't want to have children, nor intercourse with you, at all.

Another hot topic: One instance of infidelity may potentially be forgivable. Tho, the second time, "It becomes a habit", according to a random OG (Original Gangster) from my hometown.

That reminds me however: Not all cheating is physical. Emotional infidelity is inherently a precursor to extramarital affairs.

Just to bounce back to Love for a NY min: If you wanna Love someone else, first you have to be on a self-Love tip. And before you can do that, you have to know yourself.

Prior to coming into knowledge of self (h/t Black Star), you have to be alone with yourself and reflect; or at least meditate a smidge. It's surreal how in tune you become to your intuition after developing integrity; waking up early; and as J. Cole indicated recently, using "the off season" to your advantage.

One more rumor running round the mill: "If a woman tells you that she's leaving, her mind was made up a long time ago; more likely than not. She's just finally deciding to let you in on the secret."

The last jewel that I wish I knew long ago: If you don't take your time, nor refrain from playing fast and loose with other people's hearts, you're just gonna end up broke as well as lonely. That's just me "keeping it a stack with ya".

***

Prayerfully, someone somewhere gets something pertinent (re: useful) from this post. If that somebody's you, then please think about considering a Like/Tip/Share, and/or checking out some of my other posts.

TIA (Thx In Advance). Peaceful Tidings.

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advice
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About the Creator

Nefarious Darrius

I'm a Grunt who’s been stuck in traffic for the past few decades or so. From DC to Seattle & Iraq; to back in "The Swamp". Also, I Love my Progeny more than life. Born Day: 4/20. Lastly, my apparel brand, War 'N' Tees is live! One Love.

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