Quarantined with an Abuser

All across the world, we are grappling with COVID-19 and the struggle to contain it. Schools have shut down, large gatherings are banned, churches are closing and even chilling at your local park is being patrolled by police. We are learning new terms like social distancing and flattening the curve. We are being urged to do our civic duty and help slow the spread of the virus by limiting our social interactions. This is the way we can help our health system respond to the virus and help stop the spread of the disease to the most vulnerable.

The overwhelming message is to stay home. But what if your home is the most dangerous place to be?

I wake up most mornings not even wanting to get out of bed, not because I'm tired or lazy but simply because I don't want to walk out of my bedroom to brush my teeth or have breakfast.

On a "normal" pre-COVID-19 day, I'd wake up have breakfast, brush my teeth and drop my daughter off at daycare before heading into work for the day. But all that's changed now. I'm still fortunate enough to have my job despite this whole COVID-19 mess, however now I have to work from home, which for someone like me, is a total freaking nightmare.

Why? Because now I'm not home alone.

Now I wake up to the sounds of my abuser in the kitchen, making her breakfast, when I hear that she's walked into the living room to sit down and eat that's when I quickly dash to the bathroom to get ready, always shifting my eyes towards the door and staying as quietly as I can.

I've made it, my teeth are clean, my hair is brushed, I've grabbed the straightener and run straight to my room as I hear she's finishing her breakfast. I straighten my hair in front of my mirror in my safe haven...my bedroom.

I've realised that my bedroom has become my sanctuary, it's the place where I feel I can avoid her the most, it feels like the one place in my house where I have control.

I sit down at my desk and resume my work for the day, lunchtime comes and goes as my belly rumbles like crazy, I feel dehydrated as I emptied my water bottle hours ago and have been refilling it from the bathroom every chance I can safely get.

It's not always like this though, the other day I managed to escape the house before she woke where I made sure I fully charged my laptop and drove to the local park just for a place where I'm not on edge all of the time. However, within minutes my colleagues thought I was careless for not self-isolating and a police officer instructed me to go home. Great.

You see, for many people their home is a safe place where they are respected at the very least, but it's not like that for many of us. Some of us don't even have our bedrooms as our safe havens.I urge you to just remember this article when you're seeing someone whose not self-isolating, or who just prefers to hang out in a quiet place other than their homes, because sometimes that piece of shade under the tree is where they feel the most safe.

If you're feeling unsafe in your home then reach out to one of the following Australian providers for help: