Pretend-extroversion: when introverts fake it

I read an awesome book called ‘Quiet' by Susan Cain about introversion I recommend to all my fellow introverts.

There is a very interesting chapter called ‘When should you act more extroverted?’ And well, no one says you Should.

But some of us Do… sometimes

Why is that?

It turns out when we are really into something we may find it beneficial to engage our audience in a specific extroverted way based on what we perceive.

Those pseudo-extroverts that excel at this are good at what is called ‘self-monitoring’ and are “highly skilled at modifying their behaviors to the social demands of a situation.” (Quiet, p.212). We look for the cues on how we should act given any given situation.

Low Self-monitors gauge their behaviors on their own internal structure. Not interested in playing a role or putting on a different mask for different audiences.

Fake it to make it?

Turns out that High self-monitors see the Low self-monitors as sort of rather awkward and rigid.

Whereas, Low self-monitors see the High self-monitors as, well, fakers… conformers and deceptive.

But the High Self-Monitors see it in a service to what they love and a bargain– doing it some of the time to be ourselves the rest of the time.

What I think about being a High Self-Monitor

Necessary evil

I was a very awkward and shy teenager. But I started to learn in customer service jobs, very young in fact, that didn’t work out so well. So I did develop a work ‘persona’ or ‘facade’. I can say this is a case of doing something out of necessity, and learning all the rules and behaviors, but not liking it. But, yes, it was very much based on my perceptions of the people and environment around me and blending into it.

Keeping people comfortable

This self that uses humour is one way to help me socialize and make myself comfortable and others comfortable. And I like that. I like everyone at ease. Especially myself but others as well. I have had people quite surprised to find out I am an introvert because I’m so engaged and humorous and always joking around.

I think at this point it is a bit of a defense mechanism. I’m aware people don’t truly engage well with who I am naturally. Most people are not abstract thinkers and into the random abstract ideas I read or think about. They are more in the real world and less in their heads. If I share whats going on up there in that cluttered brain I get that long pause and a ‘I never thought about that.’ And nothing else.

Because all that brain fluff is not actually about any real problem in our actual lives. Nothing to do with our living day to day. With the majority of the population being Sensors on the MBTI personality test, well, that makes the majority of people not into all that hypothetical, theoretical, abstract ideas I have rolling around in my head. Because that is how my brain rolls. Ask me what I had for breakfast? No idea. Ask me about this book on quantum consciousness I am reading and I will talk your ear off.

So I have learned to gauge my audience and speak according to it. As a way to basically adjust to the people around me. And my humour is the social tool to get me going on that. I have trained myself this way to work effectively and to socialize effectively. I don’t think that is fake at all. I think it is relating to people on common ground. Finding common ground and going with that. Or being interesting in our differences. If everyone I met was like me we would just be thinking at each other all day and absolutely no one would remember that we never ate lunch.

No one goes for a few beers to talk about metaphysics. Or not since my university days anyway.

Excitement

However, I agree with a High Self-Monitor we do manifest it easier and use it well in situations where we are engaged and excited to share something. In fact, it is much easier because we desire so much to share that information we can overcome some of our introverted nature to do so.

I do that all the time when I am really, really into something. It overcomes that part of my brain that tells me to shut up because people won’t be interested. I am that excited about it. And, man, if I find that one person who also digs it? We are off and running, man. Because you do cross other introverted abstract thinkers out there. And when you do, any number of random topic can get you going with that person. My bother, for example, is an INTP and we go off on any number of topics.

Downtime

She says the price of this is we need to take a break from it with necessary reclusive downtime. Just away from it all during the day or whatnot. When I worked in sales I never ate in the office when I worked in town… I would have to remain ‘on’. I drove home. I chilled and relaxed and recharged and then when I went back to work felt a whole lot better.

I can also turn off my exroverted-ness like a switch. Or some situations do it for me. I can become overwhelmed by an environment and when that happens I retreat inward, I become uncomfortable, and my shyness comes out. I do not want to play the game.

Conclusion

Maybe you think… you’re an ambivert then. But I’m not. I score high on introversion. I am very, very introverted. Every hobby, every thought, and all my downtime needs. Crowds exhaust me.

I just manifested more of my existing humour and sense of humour and over time magnified it. I used it to function better in sales. I used to to mask my depression. And now I just use it as a tool.

It has become an essential part of my nature. It may seem when I am goofy and joking around and laughing a lot I am extroverted, but nope, just trying to make harmony around me. Make people laugh and hide behind a mask. Plus, I love to laugh, so there is that. But I seriously adore my alone time. And people may not see me for another month.