Picky, Guarded, and Stubborn

I never thought in a million years that I would be the friend that would be getting married. This time last year my then boyfriend of ten months decided he wanted me and only me for the rest of his life. Scary, but a good scary right? Our relationship always felt like we had been together in a past life, within two weeks of knowing one another, not even dating, Steven told me he was falling in love with me. That doesn't happen, only on a really juicy episode of The Bachelor. I remember feeling peace when he opened up and shared that with me. Here is a little side bar. I was up until a year before meeting Steven completely, and utterly terrified of commitment and wouldn't trust any guy that tried to date me. I had expectations that had been grounded in me since I was little, I grew up seeing my parents relationship and I wanted nothing but that. I built up expectations and I also had walls built around my heart, due to the slums that I did allow into my life that hurt me and walked all over me.

So back to Steven and I, we met, he fell, I fell a couple months later. The thing that made me allow him in was he told me in two weeks of knowing me that he wanted me, and only me because he was falling in love with me. He didn't expect me to say it right after he did, and he never questioned me. He stuck around and was okay with the fact that I am hard headed and I wasn't going to say anything until I had analyzed every detail of our relationship about 1,000 times. I can tell you exactly how I felt when I knew. All the worry, anxiety, and paranoia of what could happen vanished and every single what if was gone. I laid in bed and I knew that I only wanted him. I didn't need him, but I wanted him. This is someone that I would die for, and someone that I would go to the ends of the world for and I had never felt for anyone but him.

Why didn't I think I would ever get married? I am picky, which I will preach to anyone that at 21 you deserve to be picky. You are young, alive, and life is too short to settle. I was also very guarded, and I hate being wrong. So allowing someone into my life with my guarded heart and thinking they won't hurt me and then they do, I am not a fan. Here I am at 21, picky, guarded, stubborn, and as much as I would never admit it, sort of a hopeless romantic. I was the friend that helped all my girlfriends get ready for their dates and talk them through the pros and cons of a guy they'd been talking to. I wasn't worried about finding anyone, because I knew I was a lot to handle.

October 6th 2018 I get to marry my best friend, someone that loves how picky, guarded, stubborn, and cheesy I am. Protects me, encourages me to chase my dreams no matter how big or small. He allowed me to keep true to my morals ad never pushed me. That is why, when I am asked for advice about love, and life in general, my response is simple. You get one life, one try at this. You will make mistakes, but those make you who you are ultimately meant to be. You can be selfish, but stay humble about it. Do what is best for you, you are only 20 once and to waste those years on a mediocre relationship will make you regret the chances you didn't take. I took a chance, to go out with my friends as much as I wanted to stay in my bedroom watching Netflix. If I hadn't that date I mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph would just be another fall Saturday. Go out, eat that extra piece of pizza, travel, if they are meant to be in your life they will be. Through all the ups and downs, and will fight when you aren't quite sure what you are fighting for yet. Be picky, but not too picky, and you'll never know who will pop into your life and complete it.