Passions Such As These

There is a sense of wonder entering a fabric shop. Something I’ve idealized since I was small. Eyes wide, I’d eagerly ponder the towers of multicolored bolts, wishing I had the excuse and “know-how” to buy every bit of patterned cotton, shimmering sequins, and each effervescent patch of toile.

For years I wanted to quilt, however, my obsession with sewing was always thwarted by my fear of failing. I’d see some extraordinary pieces of patchwork and would be mystified. I aspired to, and at the same time, avoided this practice, thinking, "That could never be me".

I have always been a maker, and have tried my hand at a good handful of practices. When I was young, I enjoyed painting and often played with oils. As I grew older, that later evolved to watercolor. I deeply enjoyed wire wrapping, and that grew to a small business in my early 20s where I wire-wrapped sea glass jewelry. I’m passionate about animation and put my hand in drawing, which culminated into brief retellings of my favorite features in pencil sketches.

For four years, I had been the in-house writer for a gallery in the Southwest art market. I'd tell stories of craft artists who are renowned around the world. While their technical skills and abilities were never something I could match, I understood their need to create.

As a maker, no matter the medium, one often creates because it is a necessity. Most do this because they have an acute need to, just as there is a need to breathe.

There are also no depths to how healing the making process can be. For a small time, it is just you, your inspiration, your materials, and your drive. This momentary sensation preoccupies the senses, and one is incapable of caring about anything else for those moments in time.

During the height of the pandemic, many people took up new hobbies, finding places to fill the spaces in their homes and the voids in their hearts. Of course, I was one of them.

In that year, my boyfriend gifted me a Brother sewing machine for my birthday, and that was it. It was my time to try that something I’ve coveted for so long: It was time to quilt.

My first visit to a fabric shop was in Taos, NM. My friend and I veered off the main plaza square and found ourselves in an enchanting shop with a wealth of textiles! She picked a few fabrics in hopes of sewing some masks. I found a perfect fat quarter bundle that I knew would eventually become my first quilt.

Once back home, the following trips to the fabric shop were a bit intimidating! Starstruck, I was in a cloud, floating over the many options of my local Joanne’s and Ryan’s. Remembering my bundle, I began choosing background fabrics that would complete the large throw-sized quilt blanket I endeavored to do.

Organically, it was coming together.

While fabric planning, I was lucky enough to find quilting books that taught me quilting methods that turned out to brilliantly join with the time warp of my day job. And one square at a time, I conquered my quilt project. An endeavor that I once thought was an overwhelming impossibility.

With my beginner Brother, I began quilting 13½ inch log cabin patterns, cautiously building one scrap of fabric onto the next.

Slowly, a textile mosaic appeared: An extraordinary combination of colored cotton transformed into a cohesive feeling. It was my visual narrative of soul and discovery.

Soon my preoccupation was lifting my spirit out of the gutter of world events, out of my grief, my anxiety, and stress. I was meditating while patching literal pieces together, and in the process, made my micro-universe feel alright once again.

While creating, I have found that my mind becomes free in the beauty of expression. There is a wash of passion that wells up in my subconscious, and it’s something I hardly notice until I’m there, spewing artwork that somehow meshes memories and imagination.

Since my first quilt, I have gone on to make a few others as gifts, (including even larger blankets!) still on my beginner Brother machine.

I have since finished a handful of quilt blankets, pot holders, zipper bags, and more, with the aspiration of running a successful online quilt shop one day.

Pursuing quilting has taught me patience, how to truly invest in myself, and the determination to keep moving forward through challenges or any self-doubt. And each piece continues to be diligently made as an intimate and authentic expression of love.

Perhaps passions such as these (quilting, writing, or any other kind of making) embody some sense of meaning and purpose.

While I find that I have more to discover in my life, I know that quilting will continue to be a part of it. The need to create is there, and I will always be there to meet it.