Pain We Share
Just Two Heart-Broken People
It was with surprise that I looked into your eyes and saw the same pain swimming beneath the blue-green clarity.
The same pain that I feel vibrates from my heart out through my veins. The same pain I feel slithering it's way through every vulnerable crack of my broken mind.
The same pain that tore hope from the sky and stomped on it with steel-toed boots until it was reduced to some fictional tale made up by the ignorant and love sick.
It was the same pain that kept us both up at night. Kept us both drowning away in liquor until the numbness became relief and eventually sleep. A violent dangerous game to play with something so fragile like your own body.
But the mind always wins, and the mental torture is enough to knowingly ruin your physical form.
It was the same pain you saw reflected in my eyes, wasn't it? At brunch, shaky hands and dehydrated lips. Sipping coffee and praying for food to curve the hangover pounding at our temples. You felt safe with me as you told me about your family. Saying "when you meet this person" and "oh you would love this." That pain shining out of my forest green eyes let your guard down, didn't it?
Maybe not forever, but I think we both know it was nice to pretend.
It was nice to hold onto you. To lay on top of you with the full weight of my body and exhale into your chest. It was nice to feel safe with your arms wrapped around my back and your breath fanning the top of my head. It felt wonderful to say silly things and dance around my living room to slow music. The pain went away as you tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and I saw some kind of sparkle in your eyes before you kissed my fore-head gently.
Not for long, but it was enough for relief.
How ironic this thing called pain is to bring two souls together so that they can step on each others broken stair case until one of them falls through.
I still can not believe you would love me, but maybe that's just my hurt speaking through my heart. Maybe that's just the logic in my head poisoning the connection that flows between you and me. Or maybe I am right. Maybe this is just temporary relief to dream of the hope of love. Maybe it's just the universe letting me know it is possible...some day.
But maybe not today.
Even if you aren't the prince charming to come sweep me off my feet, I must say thank you.
I'll never forget how you insisted I call you when my world was spiraling. When I felt like no one could understand the venom of heartbreak that choked the breath from lungs and made my feet too weak to walk. I'll never forget how when I was with you, you made me forget.
Made me forget about him, about us, about we. It was just ME and YOU sitting across from each other. Talking so much our food got cold. It was just me listening to you and watching your eyes light up with magic over your passions, your hopes, your dreams.
I had no clue what you were saying, but I liked hearing you say it.
This pain made you grab me by the hand and take me down roads I had always wanted to go on with someone who wasn't willing to take me.
This pain spun us around in circles as we got drunk and tripped over our own feet, but you made sure we got home safe.
This pain goes un-said but it fills the air between us. Beneath our banter and small talk it still lingers like an old bruise. Healing but still ugly with its yellowish purple hue.
This pain creates a mutual understanding. That we can't speak of certain names, or words, or memories.
So we will make new ones, together, and hope they can drown out the old. Until it becomes less, and we forget about it all together.
Forget about the pain that we share.
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