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Open Letter to my Future love.

If you're even out there?

By Amanda NicolePublished 8 months ago 3 min read
Open Letter to my Future love.
Photo by Leila Bandringa on Unsplash

Dear Future Love, I want to start this letter off by letting you know that loving me won't be the easiest task. It will be something more akin to climbing an icy moutain or going through a mid-life crisis. What I'm trying to say is that loving me is a project. I will exhaust you and drive you crazy. I won't always trust you, I will probably get jealous sometimes. I will need lots of affection and reassurance. I know I sound like a lot and I'm sorry for that truly. I'm sorry that I'm not normal. I'm sorry that I've been hurt so badly that I'm actually used to being treated like shit. I'm sorry that I might push you away out of fear and panic. I'm sorry that I might not always be happy with you. I'm sorry that I don't always think about what I say and I'm sorry that I sometimes swear a lot or do stupid things. I loved someone at their worst and they f*cked me over at mine and left me with trauma that will take me years to work through.

But if you can get past all that, I can tell you I will be extremley loyal to you. I won't look at other people, I'll talk about how amazing you are to everyone around me including you. I will love you through your worst moments and your best. I will support you through thick and thin. I'll love you with every fiber of my being. But my love isn't easily earned you see, I'm sorry but given what I just told you; I hope you understand. I hope you understand that all the things I'll do for you I expect in return. I expect you to love me through my worst and best moments, I expect you to be loyal and not look at other people. I expect you to talk about how much you love me to other people as I would for you. I don't think that's to much to ask.

I also need you to know that if you yell,scream,gaslight or do anything remotely abusive to me. I'm out. I'll never trust you again. I've had that happen to me before and I don't deserve it. If we have a disagreement be nice about it and don't yell at me or make me feel small. Don't make me feel worse as I will probably overthink it forever. I would never yell at you or scream at you or do anything remotely abusive to you. So I would expect the same in return. I would expect that you understand that I'm not trying to be difficult. Past trauma has affected me in ways that I'm not even sure I've figured out yet. I'm sorry but that's how it is. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm trying to be honest.

I'm not sure if you're even out there but please understand that this is how my brain is and if you're going to love me please be prepared for that. Please try to understand where I'm coming from. If you can't handle me, please don't waste my time. I've been hurt enough. I hope you find someone whose been through less. I hope you find someone who is easier to love then me. But if you do fall in love with me, please don't leave me. I've been left enough. I'm looking for the real thing. I'm not looking for a hit-it and quit it. I'm looking for the real deal. Some people aren't and that's okay! So please understand and I hope you find me if it's in the cards.

Thank you


About the Creator

Amanda Nicole

Hey I'm Amanda! I'm a writer, Podcaster and a pet sitter. I'm much more then that! Read my stories to find out :)

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