On the Freedom of Marriage
We all yearn for freedom, like a bird in a cage yearning for the blue sky, a fish in a pond yearning for the sea. In our twenties, we are about to face the big event of our lives - marriage. In fact, we all want to decide for ourselves who to marry, however, many factors influence our choice. In reality, even if two people are in love, they may not always come together.
After a semester of "Love, Marriage and Family", I have learned a lot about marriage. The following is a discussion of the freedom of marriage in relation to what we have learned in class.
Freedom of marriage includes the freedom to marry and the freedom to divorce. Legally speaking, freedom of marriage is a relative freedom, because one must comply with the conditions and procedures set forth in the law to exercise one's freedom of marriage. Otherwise, the freedom of marriage would not be protected by the law.
In feudal society, there was basically no freedom of marriage. Parental orders and matchmaking, and arranged marriages by parents were the norm at that time. However, this did not stop people from pursuing love and aspiring for freedom of marriage, thus the legend of Cowherd and Weaving Maiden and the poignant love story of Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai. For the ruling class, marriage was more based on stakes, and marriage was used as a political act by the ruling class to achieve some of their own purposes. Whether it is the Han Dynasty's Zhaogun Goes Out of the Seas. Or the Tang Dynasty's Princess Wencheng married the Tubo, the successive generations of the feudal ruling class, in order to maintain their dominant position, in order to expand their sphere of influence, at the expense of some people's freedom of marriage. The beauty of the girl has been passed down for thousands of years, the green mound with the dusk. People praise them for the sacrifices they made for the sake of the country, but it has occurred to them that they also had people they loved, and they also wanted to be with the people they loved forever, even if the days were hard, even if the history was not famous. In fact, there were not many who made great contributions like Princess Wencheng, and most of them were eventually drowned in the rolling sands of history.
Women in the feudal era, holding the idea of marrying a chicken and following the chicken, marrying a dog and following the dog, abiding by the ancient teachings of the three virtues, even if their husbands were out to get involved in sex, they were mostly tolerant. Even young widows, due to the constraints of feudal rituals, did not remarry for life, and in the end, there was nothing else but a useless chaste pagoda. Maybe they had someone they really liked, maybe they wanted to get rid of their present miserable married life, but being content with the status quo was the "mission" of the time. There are a few people who are brave enough to pursue love, but most of them end up in tragedy.
Nowadays, freedom of marriage has been legalized and no one is allowed to interfere with another person's marriage. However, this does not mean that marriage is free nowadays. In some places, due to the remnants of the feudal marriage system and the influence of bourgeois views on marriage, there are still phenomena of interference with the freedom of marriage from time to time. For example, arranged, bought and sold, forced marriages, illegal obstruction of children's marriages, interference with widows' remarriage, children's interference with parents' remarriage or remarriage, forced or obstructed parties' divorce, etc. There are even cases where violence is used to interfere with the freedom of marriage of others. These are all prohibited by our laws.
I believe that the basis of marriage is love. As long as it does not violate the law, marriage is the end of love. I have been in love for more than two years, and I have an inexplicable expectation of marriage. It is everyone's wish to grow old with the person they like. However, how many pairs of celebrity couples who were once known as "golden girls" eventually went their separate ways; how many actresses who married into luxury families thought they would be worry-free from then on, but the results are often contrary to their wishes. Whether it is a TV series, or a movie, or a song, love is always the constant theme. The marriage established on top of love is able to sustain for a long time, this marriage for the inheritance and development of human civilization is of great importance.
Love is free, just like a couple in college, they have no scruples. Everything in love is beautiful. In the world of love, everyone is equal and has the right to love and be loved, there is no discrimination, there is no arrangement, there is no sale, there is no coercion, two people feel that they can get along. Therefore, people are competing to celebrate love. However, love is love after all, and it is not a substitute for marriage. Marriage is a "walled city", it has walls, people outside the city and people in the city are in two completely different worlds. Some people, even if they love each other, but can not overcome the walls of the city of marriage, and eventually regret the separation. Similarly, people who want to escape from marriage, also need to overcome the walls of the "walled city". So, in real life, into the "wall" of the wall in the end is what? What is the wall to get out of the "walled city"? How in the end we should go over these walls?
The law for the marriage of the explicit provisions is an impenetrable wall. For example, China's laws on marriage restrictions are: can not be direct blood relatives and blood relatives within three generations; both parties can not be suffering from diseases that are considered medically inadvisable to marry. Each law is formulated with its guiding ideology and practical significance. For example, if two people are direct blood relatives or collateral blood relatives within three generations, it is likely to lead to one or another disease in the future children, which will have a great impact on the reproduction and development of human beings, the prosperity of the nation, and the happiness of individual families. Therefore, we must abide by the provisions of the law, and only within the framework of the law can we choose a future lifelong partner.
Parents always want their children to have a better life after they become a family, so they will have some conditions for their children's lifelong partners, such as education, economic conditions, and looks. From the parents' point of view, there is nothing wrong with these. When choosing a lifelong partner, you should listen to your parents' advice when you are about to enter the marriage hall. In my personal case, my parents have told me about the criteria for finding an object, but their principle is that I like it, but on the basis of like to try to find a better condition. In other words, the premise of marriage is like, is the existence of love between two people.
The reality of the conditions will also have some impact on the marriage based on love. Many couples work in different places, and the chances of job transfer are relatively small, if two people can endure the pain of long distance, then of course the wall can not break down. But in reality, even if the vows, the pain of long distance will often be the culprit in the dissolution of the marriage. That's why in class, the teacher said that college couples in the 80s often broke up at the train station because jobs were subject to assignment at that time, and there were few opportunities to move, which led to many people being blocked from the city of marriage even after years of turning in the world of love.
National interest is also an influencing factor. For example, our laws stipulate that the legal age of marriage must be reached, i.e. 22 years old for men and 20 years old for women. Such an age is relatively large in the countries of the world. Such an age, I think, on the one hand, out of consideration for the level of physical development of men and women, and more out of concern for our overpopulation. Our country is a large population, limited resources need to feed the huge population, which is not conducive to the sustainable development of our country. But walls such as these are just a formality, not a limiting factor at all. This is a world away from the national interest of feudal societies. The interests of the state in a feudal society are mostly just the interests of the ruling class, while the interests of the state in a socialist society are the interests of the majority of people.
For people who want to escape from marriage, family and social factors must be taken into account. Divorce is about the stability of the family and the happiness of the children. As an individual freedom, divorce must be linked to the interests of the family and society, weighing the pros and cons. This freedom is based on the interests of others, who usually include children, spouses, and society as a whole. Divorce means the dissolution of a marriage, which has certain consequences for both families and society. Therefore, people who want to escape from the "siege" must consider the issue of divorce in a comprehensive manner and must be careful about it.
Any kind of freedom is conditional. A bird yearns for the blue sky, but it cannot be separated from the air; a fish yearns for the sea, but it cannot be separated from the water. I believe that marriage is not a matter of obeying the law and doing whatever you want. Love is free and romantic. Marriage is different from love. Marriage must take into account social and family factors and emphasize more on responsibility.
In real life, many people's marriages are based on love. Everyone thinks that the sizzling feeling of being in love can make life after marriage sweeter, but this view often proves to be wrong. Marriage is a life, is to consider the firewood and salt. Many couples get divorced after two or three years of marriage, resulting in the current high divorce rate. If two people do not think too much before getting married, just blinded by the sweet appearance of love, and after the marriage can not adapt in time, so the marriage will not last long, at the same time, they will also suffer a lot of harm.
We should be more sober and sensible to the issue of freedom of marriage.