Oh, love

I think love is a lot like a staircase. Metaphorically, I mean.

Every time you fall a little bit more in love with them, you go up a step. So, it’s like this, it’s an invisible staircase but it’s solid so long as you have the relationship keeping it there. The more solid the relationship is, the more solid the ground beneath your feet. The relationship is the steps, it’s the ground beneath your feet, it needs a solid foundation, see where I’m going?

Yes, this means all those creepy stalkers and people who only fantasize but never do anything to build a real relationship with that person, they’re all just standing there looking up and to them they’re on a staircase too but everyone else can see they’re still on the ground.

So, what happens when the relationship ends? I hear you ask. You fall, I reply.

Some people have enough relationships that they get used to building staircases, for some people it gets harder, for others it’s easier, some don’t care about their stair cases, they build a few steps and maybe start again.

Every staircase is different. Only you can see your staircase, other people just see the effects of it. Some people claim they get so used to building different staircases that the fall doesn’t hurt them anymore, that it’s nothing to be scared of. And they’re right in part because the fall isn’t something to be scared of, it’s when you land. Because that’s when it hurts, when you lose all that love your stair case was built on.

The thing is, and this is what people forget a lot, you don’t need a staircase, you can still get around on the ground, you can even have a staircase of self-love. All a staircase does is make things easier. And just because it’s easier to be up higher walking through life’s obstacles doesn’t mean you can’t do it on your own, it just helps to have other people there, to hold you up when you feel down. To pick you up when you fall.

And here’s a secret. Even knowing this. I’m still afraid. I’m not afraid of falling in love, or hitting the ground. I’m afraid that I’ll get used to having a staircase, to having someone I love around, making things easier. That if and when I do fall, if I get so used to this person, that when I fall, I won’t know how to get up. That there will be this huge gap in my life. But I’ve been at a point, that lasted a while, where I didn’t even want life. And I got through that. I’m also building my own staircase of love for myself, and it’s small I’ll admit, but it’s something, and maybe it’ll be enough to break my fall. Maybe it will be enough to have something to drag myself back onto, make it easier to get up and start walking again. I think this fear is expressed in a poem I wrote. And perhaps, also, our love of love.

‘And so, we stretch, to hold onto what we love most, because to lose is to let go.’