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Not Having Sex Before Marriage Has Good Reasons

It’s not about religion — here are three good reasons

By Louis PetrikPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
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Not Having Sex Before Marriage Has Good Reasons
Photo by Євгенія Височина on Unsplash

Sex is a fundamental part of most relationships, especially in those that involve relatively young partners, where sexual attraction is much more durable.

But not only in relationships, on average, after the first dates, sex also plays an essential role in the love life of most people in western culture.

In this article, we will talk about a more conservative approach to thinking about sex in a love relationship. What I am presenting to you here are three reasons why you should not have sex before marriage.

Essential: These arguments do not directly reflect my opinion — I could certainly write an article about why no sex before marriage is a bad idea.

But I find it an exciting topic, precisely because it seems so untypical these days. So here are my three favorite reasons for not having sex before marriage.

Sex Can Hide Your Problems

Reconciliation sex is probably one of the most popular things in a relationship that has ups and downs, as most other links do too.

As lovely as it may sound and be, there is only one problem.

Sex can not only be used as a way of reuniting after a crisis but also hide those problems, causing the crisis.

Who can be sure that reconciliation sex always takes place only when the problems are really solved? Hardly anyone.

Instead, our human drives, not only our urge to reconcile, play a significant role in everyday life of a relationship.

And perhaps this will ensure that people are already reconciled with sex, without the actual problems that led to it really being permanently eliminated.

After all, once harmony has seemingly been restored, who wants to start an argument with their partner again?

Evaluate Your Real Feelings — Before Having Sex

The hormones and feelings that are released during sex are beautiful but can be mistaken for real feelings.

During sex, a lot of things happen. Human hormones are always at the center of all feelings.

What happens while having sex is the release of the hormone oxytocin, which is responsible for the feeling of close connection to the partner. A beautiful thing, most people have probably already noticed it.

This is why sex has such a high value in relationships — as a sign of intimacy and connection to the partner.

The problem that can be seen from the perspective of abstinence is that this hormone is only released through sex. It doesn’t matter if we are not even married to the person anymore, or if we don’t also love them anymore.

Feelings that we might think are the true feelings of love are thus created through sexual intercourse. This can lead to confusion, insecurity, and hurt.

A relationship without sex can, therefore, help you to evaluate your true feelings.

If all you think about is enjoying the sexually appealing time of young age with your partner, you may be involved with the wrong person.

Sex is also a form of instant gratification.

It takes time, it takes effort, it gives back a lot, but for some couples, it is also a specific routine before going to bed, in the morning after getting up, before watching their favorite series together.

Especially in our age of quickly available sex, it also falls that it can be a form of instant gratification.

In a long-term relationship, I would always neglect instant gratification to strengthen the omnipresent feeling of having a real partner on your side, which does not necessarily mean having to give up sex.

Sexual Encounter Can Destroy a Friendship — Or Even a Potential Relationship

Have you ever just slept with this one person out of pure, spontaneous pleasure? It doesn’t always end well.

Especially when we have slept with someone with whom we were “only” friends, it leaves a strange feeling — maybe it even leads to an end of a friendship.

Even though we may not have known the person at all. Or we were just looking for a one-time thing with that person, thanks to sex-dating platforms and apps.

A pure form of instant gratification, even at the expense of the feelings that may arise — as we had already clarified, oxytocin can be released anyway, no matter who our sex partner is.

It becomes really unpleasant when one of the two people has developed feelings. In my experience, it is often the women, while the men, if they have developed any feelings at all, are unsure about them at first.

Usually, neither of the two parties is really happy with it — especially not the one who got hurt.

And even if the two people date each other after their sexual encounter, it could be that sex is the standard from now on. The fear is that the relationship is only about the pursuit of the feelings during and after sex, but a more in-depth, emotional bond is not really given room.

Fine, but Should You Really Avoid Sex Before Marriage From Now On?

At first, you might have been shocked by the idea of this article — understandable.

Then it may have happened that you were able to understand the points mentioned as appealing reasons.

Or maybe you read this whole article with a shake of the head and thought that all the reasons are entirely out of the air & the mentioned problems will never play a role for you. That is also okay.

All relationships are different — so it is not a good idea to try to apply the content of one article to all existing love relationships. In the end, it depends on your assessment.

Maybe you are convinced that your relationship works wonderfully with sex and that your relationship is even pleasant if you do not have sex.

Ultimately it depends on how you assess your relationship.

Admittedly, no sex before marriage also sounds hard, for many people years pass before they finally marry their partner — the good news is that the principle of abstaining from sex can also be applied to a shorter period.

For example, the fact that the relationship has to function and be attractive without sex for the first three months also sounds like a reasonable & sensible goal.

Ultimately it depends on your relationship.

And above all, on your priorities. I don’t want to be a spoilsport when I demonize “instant gratification” — what we mean by that differs from person to person.

And if sex is an essential part of your relationship, which might make it even better, or if a deep emotional bond accompanies it, that’s fine too.

There is no objective right or wrong on this subject.

The original version of this article was published by me on another platform: https://medium.com/lean-learnings/not-having-sex-before-marriage-has-good-reasons-1e9e0da01522

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About the Creator

Louis Petrik

19. Based in Germany. Interesting in Coding, Philosophy, Marketing, Finances, and Psychology.

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