Not a Love Letter

by LeAnn Murch 19 days ago in breakups

A not so very loving letter

Not a Love Letter

Everyone anticipates a love story and the beauty of how it's created but nobody ever wants to hear the heartache that comes along with it. Sometimes love stories don't have happy endings. Sometimes those good moments are just that, moments but it's not always forever. Sometimes forever only last a few years or months or even days. Your forever may not be the same as my forever and in my case, forever is always a short amount of time.

I had a moment where I fell for someone I thought could last just a little bit longer, someone I could see a future with, someone I dreamed of. He came out of nowhere and changed my entire way of thinking. He made me want to believe in love for the very first time.

We connected on a deeper level and it was nice, made me feel a type of way I've never felt before. He opened up my mind to new things, made me think on a different scale. He brought joy to my life that I didn't know I was missing. But I guess I misread the signs and got my feelings crossed.

He was new and oh so different. He spoke to me in a way that kept my attention. He asked questions and always listened. He didn't just ask to ask he actually cared to know. He told me things that made me feel important. He boosted my confidence and made me feel respected. I don't know what changed but it crushed me like no other.

He called me daily and always had something positive to say. He never let me be down, he always lifted my spirits. He didn't just say things to say them, he cared for my soul and my peace of mind. He didn't judge me when I showed my scars instead he showed me his and how our wounds fit together like puzzle pieces. I've never met someone I felt the need to explain myself to but I wanted him to know me inside and out. I had this desperate need to give him my all and not hold a single thing back. He could have walked out at any moment but instead he stuck around and encouraged me to tell more. He brightened my day with the things he would say. When we were too busy to talk, all I could do was think of him and the way he spoke and the sound of his voice kept in my head all hours of the day.

I'm a tough girl and a hard one to crack, but there was no wall built with him. It just melted away from the moment we said hello. I never felt the need to protect myself from him, I was an open book and never felt embarrassed or ashamed. He made me feel like a woman, like I mattered, like I wasn't damaged but instead beautiful and desired and wanted. He made me feel something I've desperately needed.

Then one day out of the blue he took his joy back and told me it was all untrue. Like a joker playing a trick he laughed in my face and said it was all fake. He toyed with my heart and made me out to be a fool. He hardened my heart and softened my ego. For a moment I thought just maybe I'm capable of being loved but he showed me it's not possible. He came and went just like the rest only he did the most damage in the least amount of time. Nothing good lasts forever so treasure those small moments.

He gave me a beautiful idea and I'm thankful for that but I also regret him because I now know what comes along with falling for someone that could never love me back. I wish there was more but this is the end, there is no love to talk about just heartache and loss. The pain that I once thought would come to an end has not, it has simply multiplied and become more scarred. Like a callused hand continuously being ripped open so a thicker layer is formed, my heart is the same, ceaselessly building a new layer of protection to shield my heart from more destruction.

LeAnn Murch
LeAnn Murch
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
LeAnn Murch
Just a crazy woman trying to survive the madness of life.One bossy bitch with lots to say. Tattoo and music junkie. I'm socially awkward so I do my best speaking through my finger tips.
See all posts by LeAnn Murch