Nightmares, Fears, & Miracles

So many things can happen in such a short amount of time. What comes from these sudden tragic events?

July 24th, 2020 is a day that will always be in my memories. It was just like any other Friday; my friend Rebecca and I were cleaning our homes in preparation for Sabbath and planning our weekend meals. Our husbands were both at work and because I don't have a car, we would take her car to town to get our weekly grocery shopping done. Grocery shopping was always less stressful for both of us when we did it together. We loved each others company and helped each other with our kids. That day, we had my 3 kids (ages 4.5, 2.5, and 6 months old) and her youngest child who was 7 years old. Our kids are all so close that they are practically cousins.

We finished most of our shopping in town and were headed down some back roads on the way to a small market to grab the last few things we needed. We were talking, sharing laughs, and enjoying the beautiful summer day. I kept unbuckling to turn around and fix my little one's bottle that he kept dropping and then finally soothing him to sleep; the last time I turned around, I did not buckle back up. I was too busy talking.

Rebecca was driving. The road we were on was being repaved which meant there was some loose gravel. She drifted just a tad too close to the edge of the road but when she realized it, she over-corrected.

This caused us to swerve to the middle of the road.

I remember thinking "this is ok, she will fix it".

Then we began spinning.

"this will be over soon and we will be just fine" were my thoughts as I reached out to the sides and held on to the door and the center console. I remember wondering what was going through my kids minds.

I felt the car tipping towards the driver side.

I reached up and put my hands on the ceiling to brace myself as I felt the car continuing the tip and going into a roll.

Everything went black.

I opened my eyes and felt really groggy and as I looked around I realized I was on a stretcher outside. I immediately started asking where my husband was. All I knew was that I needed him and I needed him right then and there. I was terrified to be without him and needed him to hold my hand and talk to me. The stretcher was taken into an ambulance but the doors were left open once I was in. They had found me about 10-15 feet from the car, on the ground.

The EMT said my husband is here and I suddenly see him appear in the doorway of the ambulance. I felt more at ease. I still didn't realize or comprehend that something had happened. My husband told me he would meet me at the hospital. I didn't understand at first why he wasn't going to ride with me. He mentioned that he would take the kids to my mom's house first and then be there.

A loud noise showed up in the background and outside, I could see a helicopter. They took me on the stretcher out of the ambulance and carried me into the helicopter where they flew me an hour away to a hospital with a trauma unit.

I remember the EMT in the helicopter talking to me and she gave me some kind of injection of pain medicine. I drifted in and out; whether it was sleep or consciousness, I'm not really sure.

Once we arrived at the hospital, they transported me down elevators and through winding hallways and into a room where they immediately began an ultrasound to check on my unborn baby. I was about 16 weeks along. Baby had a strong heartbeat and still alive. They performed a CT scan and I remember falling asleep in it.

After those were done, my husband finally showed up and held my hand and talked to me. I remember very clearly him saying "Rebecca didn't make it", but I thought he was making a joke and told him to stop it. He told me he was being serious.

I lost it.

I cried out and just let go of the few emotions I had left. The monitors started going off because my heart rate went crazy. I didn't care. I wanted her to be alive and to tell me everything would be fine; that she was safe. I lost so much in that one single moment of hearing those words. I had never in my life felt so empty and lost and I had been through a lot already in life.

The nurses and doctors came back in to finish running tests and to stitch me up. I'm not really sure how long I was in there or how long it took to give me stitches. They kept giving me pain medicine but I could still feel the pain of pulling glass out of my face piece by tiny piece and could feel the pain of each little stitch that was made. It was agonizing.

Test results came back and I had a fractured eye socket, lots of cuts and gashes, road burn, bad bump to my head, and lots of bruising. That was the extent of my injuries.

For being ejected about 15 feet from the car, I should have been much worse off. I should have been dead. The EMT said its a very rare occurrence for them to respond to a car wreck where someone was ejected and still survived. What was so special about me that God decided to spare my life and keep me safe?

I could barely stand up on my own let alone walk without someone holding me up for the first week. The initial recovery was very difficult but being with my children and seeing their smiling faces and seeing that they were safe and happy, made it that much easier.

My husband and children stayed with me at my mom's house for 2 weeks following the accident so that I could recover easier and my mom could help with the kids and the meals. Staying there meant my husband could put his full focus and attention on being with me.

This wreck brought back anxiety that I had learned to manage over the last few years. It brought back panic attacks and nightmares. It made my worst fear happen. My fear of something happening to me and not being able to hold my babies and care for them. My children were alone and by themselves for about 5-10 minutes after the wreck happened, before some ladies driving by saw the car and stopped. They must have been so scared. Did my babies see me laying on the ground bloody and unconscious? I get so much anxiety and even guilt from thinking about them being alone and scared and me not being able to hold them.

This wreck caused nightmares and fears. Most importantly, it caused a miracle to happen. I am alive, baby is alive, and my children are all safe and alive.