I have been polyamorous for quite a few years now. I've yet to really encounter problems, as some do, but even so I have learned some very helpful things over time when it comes to polyamory, and what's important to keep in mind when it comes to this type of relationship dynamic. Right now I have two partners, and those partners have at least one as that is not me as well. Whether you're a seasoned vet, or a curious beginner, I hope you read my five rules me and my partners live by helpful to you.
1. Keep me updated.
This one is pretty simple. If my partners have other partners outside of me, they just need to let me know. This includes long-term or short-term, or one night stands. This is just for health reasons only, I do not need to know anything about the relationship, the encounter, how often, or where my partners are at all times (that is abuse! DO NOT ASK YOUR PARTNER TO TELL YOU WHERE THEY ARE AT ALL TIMES!). All I need to know is if they are with other people, so I can make informed decisions about my health. This works well, and leads to trust and a more relaxed relationship.
2. Communicate if something doesn't feel right.
Did you meet a someone your partner is with and not like them? Are you not interested in threeways? Are you in need of a break? Did you end up catching something you don't want to pass along? All of those are fine and common. Just communicate. I am very close friends with one of my partner's long-term partners. When he and I hooked up a few months ago, he asked me if I would be interested in hooking up with his long-term partner sometime too. Although I actually wouldn't be against the idea, as I am attracted to him too, it felt a little off. Like I was being propositioned. So I just mentioned it, and that if I wanted to do that, I would talk to my friend himself. My partner was respectful as always and never brought it up again. It can be hard sometimes, but just always allow for that open dialogue and you should be good.
3. Do not expect monogamy.
This is more for new partners I may end up having. I've often told people, "I am polyamorous, and if you aren't that is totally fine with me, but then you may want to find someone else to spend your time with." Nothing says red flag like someone being okay with polyamory at first and then later changing their tune and getting possessive. You, of course, can change your mind at any time, and switch to being monogamous, but never feel forced into it if you are happy where you are.
4. Be open-minded.
Now, if you are polyamorous or interested in the idea, you are probably already an open-minded person. But you need to continue your practice with your partners. Is your partner hooking up with someone you may not like? Keep an open mind about it (this excludes abusive people). Fetishes, kinks, and exploring are all normal. You may not be into it, and you have the right to say no always, but keep an open mind about it too. I, personally, have the mentality of "I'll try just about anything once." Others, not so much, and that's fine. But if your partner is interested in something and does it with someone else, have an open mind.
5. Never lie.
This one seems like a no-brainer, but it is the most important and needs to be said. Always be honest, even if you're afraid. Sexual history, sexual health, and partners are all very important to be honest about. Trust is the most important thing to have in a polyamorous relationship, and that can only be achieved through honesty. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to these kinds of relationships (and all relationships if you ask me). If you are afraid to tell a partner something, you may not be in a good place with that person relationship-wise anyway. Always speak with care and the other person in mind, and with the intention of growing with your partner and improving. Then it will always work out the way it's supposed to.
Of course, as you cultivate your own relationships and come up with your own rules/guidelines, you will figure out what you want and how you want it. Polyamory has many different definitions and faces and ways to do it. So be flexible, have fun, and be safe!
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About the Creator
The Enigmatic Life of Lin Gengbai: Poet, Revolutionary, and Seer
Lin Gengbai, a poet from the Southern Society, was born in Minhou, Fujian. He studied in Beijing at the age of eight and was passionate about politics throughout his life. He once joined the Beijing-Tianjin Alliance and had the ambition to clarify the world. In the first year of the Republic of China, Lin Gengbai founded the "Yellow Flower and Blue Blood Society" with Chen Lesheng and others in Shanghai, with the urgent task of assassinating the remnants of the imperial system. After the failure of the "Second Revolution", he rose and fell. He first served as the secretary of the Senate and once acted as the acting secretary-general. He was only 22 years old. Although he was successful in his youth, he was melancholy. Soon he became angry and wrote poetry under the guidance of Chen Shiyi, a teacher of the "Jiangxi Poetry School". He was talented and innovative, and many people called him Li Yishan. Later, he was known as the "Chinese Poet of the Generation". He was not tall, with fair skin, clear eyebrows, and a high nose bridge, and had a bit of a foreigner's appearance. He claimed, " Cao Juren gave a speech at the Nan She Ya Ji, talking about the relationship between Nan She and the Xinhai Revolution. He believed that the Xinhai Revolution was a political movement with a strong romantic atmosphere, and Nan She's poetry and prose were the atmosphere of Gong Zizhen. Lin Gengbai was the living Gong Zizhen. Liu Yazi nodded in agreement, but Lin Gengbai was very unhappy: "I don't even have Li and Du in my mind, let alone Gong Dingan. Cao's being Gong Dingan is too shallow of me." At that time, people naturally referred to him as a poetry fanatic. Liu Yazi had been friends with him for more than 30 years, and Liu Yazi, who had high eyes, commented: "Gengbai's poetry is idealistic and charming, and although I am still ashamed, I am not as good as him. Are contemporary people who cling to their shortcomings worth a bite of their sword?"
By Beck_Moulton5 days ago in Humans
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