My Mind's Eye
The Story of the end of the world
All's I could feel was my breath, it was hot and dry, and it felt like I had swallowed tiny shards of glass. The ground beneath me was hard, dusty, and cold. Devin's small hands clasped tightly around mine, refusing to let go.
"Sissy" he whispered, his head buried up against my shoulder as he faced me in a fetal position. "Sissy" he whimpered this time.
I couldn't move. I was too stunned.
Nobody ever really believes that the end of the world will someday meet them. Was this the end of the world though? or just the end of a very small part of it? I didn't know. We didn't know and I couldn't even begin to fathom how we were going to find out, nor did I want to. I was scared.
I slowly rolled over onto to my side, my body aching and stiff, to face my little brother lying next to me. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him near and taking in the scent of his head and kissing its top repeatedly. "It's ok" I said as I hugged him tighter, "it's ok" I said again.
My mind raced as I rocked ever so slightly back and forth trying to wrap my brain around what had just happened.
"Where's momma?" Devin asked, his voice small and shaking and his head still buried in my chest.
"I don't know" I said to him, "I don't know".
I slowly released my grip to look at him, his eyes were shut tight and his little body was tense. I put my hand on his face "hey, it's ok, I'm right here, I'm right here" I said.
He opened his eyes slowly but then closed them again tightly, this time weeping angrily and repeating over and over again that it wasn't ok. And he was right. I put my hand on his arm and let him weep.
We huddled together that night and slept like frozen statues. Both of us feeling lost and scared, wanting desperately to forget our current reality and neither of us really sleeping at all. I knew that I would have to be the brave one, however my belief in myself was shaking at best and fear gripped every part of me. Everything we knew and everything we had loved, was seemingly gone and neither of us knew what was out there. "How were we still here", I pondered inside my head. I did not have any of the answers but knew that we had to find out.
The next morning the dust had settled. All but the dirt beneath us and an orange haze as far as the eye could see remained. I woke up hoping it had all been a dream and felt a shock of sadness at the realization that it wasn't. I sat up, staring and then slowly rose to my feet. Devin lay there still, curled up, and huddled in an intensity that was stressful to me. I walked around cautiously without wandering too far from his little body.
I stopped and stood there in the blazing nothingness, turning my face up to the sky, my arms and hands extended outward, my eyes closed, I breathed in half wishing, that some divine force would come and take me right at that moment.
That is when I saw it. A heart shaped locket with bronze intricacies surrounding a blood-red heart inside of it. It was brief yet clear. "It was beautiful," I thought to myself, after it had disappeared from my mind's eye. I opened my eyes and dropped my arms heavily back down by my sides. Feeling I should get back to Devin, I turned to walk away, wondering why the image of that locket had appeared.
As I approached the spot where I had left him, I could see that nothing was there. I looked in every direction, for as far as the eye could see. He was gone. A lump filled my throat, my heart raced, as I frantically began to cry.
I yelled his name over and over, there was nothing. I collapsed to the ground as my heart burst open in pain and I sobbed in frustration and anger. Where was he?
I started to hyperventilate as I began asking myself, no pleading to God, "what should I do?"
I felt I was going insane, my head spinning and throbbing all at once, my face hot and streaked with tears. How could he just disappear?
"No" "NO" I yelled out loud, I wouldn't believe it, he had to be nearby. I wouldn't let myself believe that he was gone. I got back up, running and shouting his name once more.
Hours had passed and I was left there wandering all alone.
I stood still and closed my eyes again, head bowed down. The heart-shaped locket came to mind again. Grabbing at my forehead with both of my hands, as if to make it go away, I fell to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably, until I passed out from my exhausted and broken heart.