My Life is My Passion

What are you most passionate about?

When you take a moment to self-reflect and self-examine on those six words above, do you know right away? or do you pause and ponder?

My answer screams out immediately, and yet I feel it cannot be that easy. Can I really know, without hesitation, how to answer such a profound question when there are potentially dozens of responses swimming around waiting to be caught and retrieved for more consideration?

There is no hesitation for me. My whole body resonates with a resoundingly strong and confident voice that melodically proclaims:

At the root of my every day, I am most passionate about living a life in which I have compassion and integrity, and I live and operate from love and truth.

That is at the core of what keeps me going every single day, the mere fact that I am still alive – I am able breathe – and will create a new adventure for the day. I am not sure about you, but there have been a few times in my life where I have managed to escape what could have ended much more tragically than did.

The last time I “escaped death” if you will (and there is no intention behind my words to downplay my experience or anyone else who experiences “inner knowing” feelings – aka your “gut”) was October 3, 2019. Not that long ago, recent but no longer fresh and incredibly vulnerable and exposed.

That day there was potential for it to be my last. It is certainly a day that has forever changed me. October 3, 2019.

I am not the only one impacted by this date. My daughters are. They suffered along side with me. We were in the trenches of despair, travesty, and grief together. We three were the survivors from that date, and all three of us could have perished with our pets when our house burned down.

To nothing but grey ash

and burned clumps of debris

that mere hours before

was a family home.

But we did not burn.

We survived.

My “gut” told me to get out of the house and carry on with a normal day regardless of how we were feeling, and we did.

When I returned home later that day, it was not with my daughters returning merrily from school, quite possibly with a friend or two as was common practice for us. I was in a panicked state which was followed by shock, then PTSD. What my senses endured for the hours I was “on-site at the scene” (what was formerly our home) will live with me forever. Hours to forever – still takes me a moment to process.

~~~

Let’s reflect back on: What are you most passionate about?

Living.

I am alive, I am here.

I still have my daughters.

I am still a mother, friend, daughter, sister, family member and partner.

I am a woman. I identify as she/her and BIPOC.

My heritage is Kitselas and Danish and I live in a British-Canadian culture. My sexuality –

Does this matter?

Not if I cannot breathe.

~~~

My daughters and I have our trifecta that has endured the fiercest flames of eradication through the element of fire. The very element we pride our species on for intelligence that separates us from our mammal relatives in the animal kingdom. That very element requires three things for creation, there are triangular connections all around me.

I share these traumatic and vulnerable personal experiences and struggles to highlight how I am living. At the beginning, I used the words “a life in which I have compassion and integrity”. How do I live compassionately? [Simply meaning compassion as feeling and showing concern when others suffer.] I am a helper, a healer. I seek to unburden those who have come to me with their worries and support them empathetically. I write about my experiences to share with others so maybe they know that they are not alone.

How do I live with integrity? [Integrity – two words come to mind. Moral and uprightness.] I am true to my word. I am consistent in my beliefs and how I treat others – as people. I am an advocator for the truth globally. My voice calls-out unintegral systems within our society, and I use my voice to seek solutions when it is easier to turn a blind eye.

I continue with the words “I live and operate from love and truth.”

When I emerged from my own personal arena of confusion and grief, I was able to focus on appreciating all that lay ahead of me, not all that was destroyed in the past. The element of fire forced us to entirely cleanse our lives of our past and create a journey ahead with a new awareness and appreciation for the moments in life.

I learned as I stared into a pile of ash and burned debris that to be alive meant everything. It no longer mattered what had once created passion within me; there were months I was void of any interest or desire in anything (we grieved much tragedy), but the routine of life carried on and we jumped on the treadmill everyday and put one foot in front of the other.

As I emerged from my fog of voidness, I had my own yearning desire to find excitement and joy in life. I was here and I wanted my purpose to be to enjoy all the moments as you never know when your last breath will be.

In the newfound passion of living that was emerging, I wanted to emerge with a voice that was no longer supressed by abusers and manipulators.

I want my voice to be heard.

It is heard through my words, my writings.

What my voice represents: speaking up for what is wrong or unkind, raising attention to injustices, a spotlight on tearing down our systematic and colonialised society, raising awareness for rights for all people…all people are equal, and for protecting Mother Earth.

Today, you are reading my voice through words on a screen. I do not know where in Canada or the world you are. But here we are.

What are you most passionate about?