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"My Husband Suddenly Hates Me. What the F***?!"

by Ossiana M. Tepfenhart 4 years ago in breakups
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You two used to be peas in a pod, now you feel like your husband suddenly hates you. What gives?

When people get married, there are certain things that people never expect. People who are getting married never expect to get divorced, nor do they expect their partners to cheat. However, these things happen all the time.

A rarer thing that can happen, though, is a situation where one spouse grows to hate the other. When it comes to men, this phenomenon happens almost overnight. It's jarring, seemingly without warning, and tends to make women question their sanity.

When women approach a husband who acts hateful towards them, they very rarely get the answers they are looking for. He may refuse to say anything, shut them out, or just start yelling over little, inconsequential things.

So, what gives? How can you fix a situation where your husband suddenly hates you?

The first thing you should do is figure out if it's in your head.

Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

Though it's not very likely, there are situations where you might just be imagining things. If you have been feeling insecure in your relationship, you may have become a bit needier than usual—and that could cause your perception of your husband to be a bit different than normal.

Ask yourself if you have been feeling insecure due to outside influences. If you have been, you may need to take a step back and practice some self-care.

On the other hand, if he has been snapping at you, refusing to touch you, sleeping in another room, or otherwise treating you cruelly, there's something seriously wrong afoot. Your husband shouldn't suddenly get mean with you!

Give him space to see if the situation improves.

If the behavior is relatively new and you're usually glued at the hip, chances are that your husband doesn't suddenly hate you. Rather, he might be feeling crowded by you—or may be feeling like he needs a little "me time."

Take a look at his current situation to see if he could be stressed.

Photo by Mubariz Mehdizadeh on Unsplash

A man who feels like he's drowning in debt, overworked, and underappreciated will not be a happy man. An unhappy man is a man who will typically end up externalizing that anger and pain through a wide range of different behaviors.

If your husband recently lost his job or has taken on a career that has a high level of stress, then he probably doesn't suddenly hate you. Rather, he could be stressed out and struggling to keep his emotions in check.

This doesn't give him an excuse, mind you. There's no excuse for behaving badly with your spouse. However, it does suggest that you may be able to work things out once you bring it to his attention.

Your husband's anger and irritability could also be caused by fluctuating hormones.

Believe it or not, women aren't the only ones who tend to have hormone issues that cause irritability. Men have their own version of PMS, too! Men who approach their 30s, 40s, and 50s tend to see their testosterone levels decrease—often rapidly.

When their testosterone drops, men get very irritable and angry. Their sex drive can also suffer. This is called Irritable Male Syndrome, and it's treatable through hormone therapy.

Another common reason for the sudden hate could be feeling tied down or fed up with the marriage's status quo.

Photo by eddie howell on Unsplash

A lot of men, after several years in a committed married relationship, start yearning for the single life again. They may start wondering what could have been if they never met you, or may feel like they got the "raw end" of the marriage deal.

When a man feels trapped in a marriage, or feels exceedingly bored in their relationship, they tend to blame their spouse. This is doubly true if they have been feeling emotionally neglected by their partner.

Ask yourself if your partner has complained about one aspect of your relationship at length. Ask yourself if you have been lagging in certain departments.

If so, improving that aspect could help return your husband to the loving man he once was.

It also could be that he's checked out of the marriage.

Sometimes, people fall out of love. It can happen if they feel unloved, overworked, or just suffocated by the day-to-day doldrums. It can also happen at random.

Men who have checked out of the marriage tend to act hateful, irritable, and critical of the spouses they once loved. This is because they no longer care about their partners and may even view their partners as a nuisance.

This also could be his abusive side coming through.

Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

Though it's rare, a lot of abusers will only show their true faces after they are married to their victim. This is because it's far harder to leave an abuser when you are legally tied to them. At times, the abuse can also start after a man is exposed to media that encourages toxic masculinity.

If you are feeling hurt, abused, and battered, it's important to realize love shouldn't hurt. Abusers do not love their victims—and that means that they never really loved you. Should you notice abuse, it may be time to look into divorce.

It's so hard to walk away from a man you once loved, but it's important to realize that it will not get better. Stop asking, "Why does my husband hate me so much?" Start asking, "Why did I fall for this guy, and how can I get out?"

If his behavior is really out of the ordinary, it could be a brain tumor.

A rare, but medically possible, explanation for a sudden change in your husband's behavior could be a brain tumor. Brain tumors have a tendency of changing behavior almost instantly because they tend to put pressure on parts of the brain that mitigate behavior, memory, and motor skills.

Take a look to see if he's been behaving strangely with other people. If he has been, it may be time to get him to a doctor. You may be able to save his life.

That being said, in most cases, it's a sign that he's having an affair.

Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash

If your husband suddenly hates you, there's a very high possibility he's projecting guilt he feels for betraying you.

Men who cheat will do what they can to justify their behavior. In many situations, they will pick fights so they can run into the arms of another woman with a clear conscience.

Usually, husbands who suddenly hate their wives actually don't hate them. Rather, they want to leave their wives for their affair partner.

If this seems to be the case, brace yourself for a breakup—and expect him to come crawling back sooner rather than later.


About the author

Ossiana M. Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of NJ. You can message her via Twitter on @bluntandwitty or via Instagram on @ossiana.makes.content. She's always looking for freelance work and collabs!

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