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My Heart Is As Broken As the Sky

Forty years of falling in love with women.

By Roscoe ForthrightPublished 4 years ago 3 min read
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It is amazing to discover, I have forgotten the names of some women I deeply loved, long ago in my 20's, in my 30's. Their names no longer matter. The fact I loved them, was rejected by them, and moved on: Those are the events and memories which matter. Those are the lessons which have always mattered. Only about 1% were rejected by me. I attempt with all my heart to love the people who cross my path, and be generous with women who obviously love me, even when I cannot return their love.

One or two beautiful women frustrated me. I could not prevent my heart and mind from swirling around them, for fifteen or twenty years. And I was ignored by these beautiful, artistic, ambitious and intelligent women, for fifteen or twenty years. I feel nothing much for them now, ten to fifteen years later. That is why a broken heart is as open as the sky. Flocks of birds fly through, and leave no trace, only a distant, perhaps a fond, memory. Both the sun and the moon, even the stars illuminate the vastness which is the love of my own human heart.

As a younger man, I did not know these facts. I was tortured and confused by rejection. I felt I had failed in some primal way to live up to my potential as a lover. In that confusion, truthfully, I had no potential. And time has proven, it would have been a vast mistake to chain my life to any of these beautiful ships, to be dragged along in their wake. And, most of the women are very happy without me, grateful for the lovers they found, the ones who pleased them more, or had more to offer.

The women currently in my bed and in my life are delightful. Each one with their own quirks and faults, but none feel like a cargo ship, dragging me across coral shoals, tossing me in high wind and waves, for no particularly good purpose. Had I allowed myself to be loaded as cargo into the lives of busy, beautiful, ambitious girls, I would not be as happy as I currently am, nor would I have created hours and hours of music and art. My life would have been burnt up, without even the benefit of warming the air. My art would be shallow and pathetic. (Simply because most of my life's energy was spent on the girl, rather than on the art!)

My heart is as broken as the sky. Which is to say, in the end, my heart is not broken at all. I allow people to enter my, and stay if they wish to stay. And go, if they wish to go. I only eject people from my life, when they clearly have bad intentions. Like wanting to raid my bank account, or live for free in my house. Or use me in other ways which have no love, friendship or even tenderness or kindness. Yes. Of course, several women of that variety have passed through my life. They are often easy to spot, and can be shown the door before the real trouble starts!

My heart is as broken as the sky, because it appears to be endless, with infinite variety. It is confined only by my imagination, confined only by the gravitational limits of planet Earth. That is plenty of room in which to enjoy my life, and bring joy to others. There appears to be more than enough joy to go around. Now I have learned the basic rules: Let people do what they wish to do. But do not get sucked into their wake. Do allow yourself to be used like a coat-rack or a convenient place to pee.

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About the Creator

Roscoe Forthright

Erotic filmmaker and novelist. I use x-rated heterosexual short films as a tool for spiritual enlightenment. Laugh all you want. This actually works for many people. Fucking is universal! And very popular!

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