My Everything

Many people have different variations of how they show love. It takes one person, though, to show you how to be a better person and teach you how to be the best version of yourself. I was so naive in my relationship, but I had the man of my dreams. He was extremely smart, handsome and wore his heart on his sleeve. He was literally everything I wanted and needed. I don’t think I could have ever been so happy with someone. This type of love is definitely rare. But, I just wasn’t making him happy with our communication, or how well I explained certain things to him. However, he kept telling me exactly what to do to make him happy. I mean, I did what I thought was what he wanted. I loved, I bought him things that he needed, I was there for him emotionally, financially, and I guess all the things you try to do as a girlfriend, right? But little did I know that I was the one ruining what we had by not communicating properly. I always thought to myself that I was communicating pretty clearly, and he would just not understand anything and then get frustrated. And I had really screwed up, because one day I had lied to him, but only to protect what I had because he was a total gem, and I just didn’t want my white lie to ruin things but it did.

He gave me more than one chance to change my bad habits, and I wasn’t changing because I thought I was perfect and it was him who was wrong not me. And because I had lied, I guess it created a domino effect where everything I did and said was not believed, and that just ripped me apart everyday. He would accuse me of being with another man, or if we went out and I just looked at my surroundings, he would say I’m checking other guys out. But that was never the case. He had my heart, and my attention was all on him. But he always doubted me, and that reason is because I had lied. I mean, yes, I lied, but it was literally for nothing and it ruined our relationship. I try everyday to make things right, but I guess I can’t, and I suffer the consequences day in and day out. He’s insulted me to the point where I've felt low to the lowest, as if I'd hit rock bottom.

So, if I can give a piece of advice, just listen to your partner and do what they are asking. Most of all, just be aware of what you’re doing, along with just be honest. It's just not worth it to lie, even if you feel like it could be the best option at the time to spare feelings. He doesn’t realize how big my heart is and how much I love him, and I don’t think he’ll never understand because I just can’t explain myself well enough. I just want to be the best that I can be, and he helped me with that, but I was just too stubborn to even listen or believe in him, or to believe that he wanted the best for me. I have been emotionally and physically drained, and it’s a horrible feeling. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. That feeling has never really gone away, it still lingers and I live with it. I hope that I can be that better person he wanted me to be, and become able to express myself vividly. But yet, despite what happened and the horrible things that were said, I still love him endlessly.