Mindless madness

Have you ever wandered through life not knowing your purpose or where you fit in? Have you ever felt like you could fall off the face of earth and no one would notice you were gone? Each day when I wake up I feel as if a part of me is missing, empty and hollow. I feel as if I were put on this earth to prove to someone or something that not everything has a meaning, has a purpose. I walk through life, slowly, dragging a weight on my shoulders. My life feels like a burden that was placed on my family and friends. Each night I go to bed hoping I won't wake up in the morning. Hoping that this torture will end soon, but each morning comes and I awake. Each night while I sleep, I dream of a cloaked stranger coming to take me away. By the end of the dream he walks away from me. A bright white grin shines from under it's dark hooded face, I scream and I yell for him to come back but he disappears. I wake up to another day, another draining and pitiful day.

I've always believed that if you are someone who knows what it's like to be invisible or unnoticed or forgotten that you can fade into the background. I've also believed that once you have felt the cold and dark side of your own mind nothing could change it. I have lived with voices in my head telling me that I am nothing to anyone and I have no reason to be here, other than to make peoples lives difficult. But I was wrong. I have proven to myself that life is not always planned or scheduled or even purposeful. I have found that life is something that just happens. Whether I help people, care for people, teach people, boost people or even just a shoulder to cry on, I am here. I may not have a purpose at the moment but I do believe I am here to help others achieve their purpose. I have told myself time and time again that I am something. I have fought myself every night and day over what should happen to me, but in all honesty each day is a new reason to try and do.

When I think of my life I see a dark space with only a little light in the distance. It does not signify anything big, it does not signify anything small, the only thing I interpret is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is light within darkness, good within bad and happiness within sadness. Even though it is small in my mind it shows me that there can be something for everyone and everything no matter the size or the thing or even the purpose. A tiny light in a black abyss gives me the peace of mind that it is not all one way.