Mind Flip is the new "your glass is half full" way of thinking

Looking out my front door window, the night is a thick black. It takes me a second or two to adjust my eyesight between the glass and the depths of the darkness. Just typing that sentence brought on a sense of gloom and doom. The intenseness in the night means the winter season is drawing closer.

(insert a really bad swear word)!!!

No offense to all of you winter hip hoppity's and sled jammers. I am not a fan of the winter months. This girl thrives in the glow of the hot sun. I can't recall one bad moment in my life that was in a summer month. So, put me in an element that is lacking such magical rays and I am not one to find many positives to say and become an even bigger bore! Plus summer months mean cute shorts, tank tops, and flip flops. I am a sweatshirt girl but I believe that is only because weather requiring to wear such, needs to be due to fall air, not a must to save your skin from freezing air. Where in just a few minutes your skin could turn blue, shrivel, and fall off!

Why do I live where my skin could fall off?

The location at the end of this chapter will have one sure thing... it's going to change! The way it looks, feels, smells... my entire world is about to change in every aspect. This is where I start to panic... chest tightens, my heart rate is pounding, and I suddenly feel the urge to take deeper breaths. Welcome to the land of anxiety. This is also the part where I began to sound crazy... To get me, myself and I past this moment, I talk to myself. My lips move but no sound will be heard. The sound is inside my head. "Crystal, calm down. Focus on the good... flip this to something positive!" I will start to feel my mind racing over details, focusing on the why, and so on. "You are going to wake up and feel a sense of fresh, new". I can feel my breathing start to lessen. I don't have a need to get up and run. In a matter of two sentences, I am getting closer back to my calm state. Something that in the past would have caused a night, or hours of overthinking, crying, and self-loathing... was considered, addressed, focused, and flipped.

Mind flip! I mind flipped it into a positive, healthier way of thinking

I kinda just made that term up as I was typing... so I feel a sense of pride. Mind flipping... the updated version of glass half full. I dig it! If you were to go back and read my blogs entries at the beginning of this journey, a few months ago... the entire blog would be about thinking positives, talking kindly to myself, and how the words we say out loud impact who we become... a little surreal to me now!

I also have to take a minute to say... how incredibly cool these techniques and educational tools are to assist with mental happy! I don't care who you are... everyone has something that could use a dose of vitamins for that gray matter between your ears. How cool, we are at a point we are openly talking about it. Whatever it is! I know for me to be so raw and real in these wide-open spaces, was difficult initially. Now, I still find moments where I type, pause to process what I was sharing, and decide if I was okay with that. The great thing about the internet... what you say today, will forever be out there. Either as a timeline towards greatness, or an emotional state of mind that wasn't so in focus and your words or mental image provided... has something that will come back to bite you!

Awareness is good!

The minute I was told I had complex post-traumatic stress disorder, I craved to know anything and everything about it. I wasn't raised in a family that believed in anything other than normal and crazy. If you didn't walk, talk or dress exactly like they thought you should... you were crazy! No way were we going to openly discuss brain injuries, depression, addiction, etc. I mean after all, What would the neighbors think? To openly admit you had such, meant you were weak. If you willingly took meds to help with any of these "conditions" meant you were a drug addict.

Such a non-forward way of thinking and behaving!

I have learned so much about brain injury, the various elements that can impact a brain's health, and how to keep it fit and active. There is so much to all of this and yet, it truly is very simple! The first month I began this journey and something good would happen, I would smile and conveniently, remind myself this is what they said would happen. Now, that I have seen the positives and negatives surrounding the choices I am making and those I allow in my life... it feels natural to speak in a happier tone. It also means I have no patience for those that aren't a value add in my life. I no longer have any lingering emotions towards, giving a crap if their feelings get hurt or not! I didn't sign up to turn my heart, mind, and soul upside down and inside out just so I could get halfway and allow old patterns and behaviors to pull me back. I desire a life of simplicty and yet, joyous. One that feels good every day, not just the ones I have to force to maintain with daily "gray matter" yoga exercises!

The universe has been providing me a good butt warming in the aspect of "letting go". The more I understand this, the more it keeps taking from me. It's as if I know what the lesson to be learned truly means and I agree out loud but deep in my soul, you can hear laughing... "yeah right!"

I am sentimental, and I have thousands of files in my mental filing cabinet that are in support of that. To let go of someone or something... I have to erase chapters in my past. It's not just detaching from a name, a person... it's never listening to a certain song again, or having a drink at that bar, it's hating a color, a candy bar, or even a state. I could go years without a person's memory rolling by and a flower or scent will suddenly bring them back to the present. Creating a day of remembering someone I had worked so had to always forget.

There has got to be another way besides letting go! There has got to be a solution to how I can move past certain nouns and not have to rip apart every fiber of my being. Hmmm. Maybe, instead of letting go... I mind flip! Stay focused on how I feel about myself, what my goals are, and not let anyone or anything take me away from that state of mind. I also do not have to go out of my way for those that have shown time and time again what types of people they truly are.

Remove the emotion from the moment and focus on my needs, desires, and wants.

You would think that would be easy... but for those of us that are kind and real... that statement is selfish. Selfishness is not a feel-good for me. I have moments there and then I wonder if my selfishness was justified. So with that, there is also a need for understanding as to what is good selfishness and what is not.

If you look at selfishness between the fine line of the sel and ness.... you will catch a fish! haha... (face palm)

When I reach a point of eating by myself, watching tv by myself, showering by myself, sleeping by myself, myself, myself ... being okay by myself. Then I will truly know I am ready for the next stage. I don't want to spend life by myself... but I also do not want to waste any more time being focused on anything outside of me. I am going to be a best-selling #1 author. I am going to land a job that pays me to do what I love! This will lead me to the independence and lifestyle I long for. I love everyone (except for like 2 people in the world) and I am kind, caring, and generous! I can continue to be this... just less in the form of my presence and time.

Good things are coming for those that have the passion and drive to go after it!

So, I can't wait for the reveal of my location change.

I can't wait to get this selfishness to the proper setting.

I can't wait for my next milestone on the vocal journey.

I can't wait...