Memories

This specific special song brings me to a life changing moment in my life; The way the words hit deep into my membrane ; echoing the feelings and amplifying the intensity of knowing nothing would be the same ever again. I am nervously writing this in hopes someone reads and has a connection with this story.

This song reminds me of when I was with my ex; the one I regrettably say I think about and miss everyday, used to talk to and hangout everyday. The one I thought was the one, the forever one. Things seem to always work out in horrible ways; animating my worst fears into reality. Every time, it seems; I try to make sure the one I love is constantly reminded of how much I appreciate them, but that might of diluted the message. But I was only treating them as how I wanted to be treated, loved and reassured.

The moments I go to when listening to this song are sequenced and dive deeper into the past, flowing back to the now. How even in this current time space, I am struggling with things and how they went. Now we don't talk, or see each other. It's been months without even the slightest peep. Not for lack of effort on my end; conflicting myself between my forgiveness and their grudge.

Cheers to the Wish you were Here; reverberates in my heartbreak. Concerning myself of all the things I would only dare to pray to change. It brings me to a time just before the life altering event. Before the punch of the brutality of grief and mourning. It's the regret that slowly kills you, and drains your will to want anything.

I remember the days leading up to, the day of, and the months following the day my partner's brother died in their family home; them to be the one to find him. That moment, my heart broke for their family; when they needed me, I was there, everyday for as long as they needed me. It was a long grieving process, a true tragic event. It still haunts me.

I can honestly say it's likely they are just as haunted by that fateful night. There was night my partner went drinking with family and came back home because of having an emotional explosion; of the regret and shame they felt. It broke the person that i knew; into shattered pieces not recognizable.

Over the course of the next six months; it was heart wrenching and gut twisting to see the weight they put on themselves. It left my soul bruised to watch someone so amazing feel that way. The night they lost their brother was the night they lost part of themselves that will never be seen again. I understood that crystal clear.

In all that time of healing they became someone else; someone who did things they promised they would never do. We grew apart and I didn't want to accept it. I wasn't ready to let it all go, throw it all away. The better part of two years of my life; spent thinking this was going to be the last relationship I was apart of. Despite doubts from my family and friends, I persisted in desperation; Blinding myself to the obvious, denying the truth of the matter. . I kept convincing myself; we can get through anything, if we both want to. Emphasis on If We Both Want To. Not the end I would of hoped for, by any stretch.

This song plays and it reminds of those who stuck around: my friends and the solid people I know and trust. Memories of Ghosts; the ones we've lost, and the one's near in hear but far apart. I wish the best to friends I wish were still in my life, but some who choose to keep their distance. But life is truly only as beautiful as the memories we keep dear. The figments of memories that bring us into a moment where everything wasn't so terrible.