Marriage

We as women have been there more times than we can count (and the occasional man), but we complain and that complaint is that they are not helping us, or they act like a man child. I love my husband dearly but I do the primary cleaning, cooking, and dealing with the kids. While that was agreed upon with me staying home, it doesn't make it any less frustrating when I need help and he just does his own thing.

Don't get me wrong it absolutely is not the fact that he just does not want to help, it's the fact that I have been groomed to do and see these things my entire life, especially coming from the community I lived in vs where he grew up, the entire state I lived in was very male dominant in the way that women basically acted like it was still the 50s. So growing up it was expected that I see every little detail, such as the trim on the walls needs dusting, the fridge hasn't been deep cleaned in three months and so on.

My husband, well, he works and was raised to work hard, which is saying a lot since the area he grew up in is more relaxed and less hardworking than what him and I have been raised to do. He still has his days off and will help but doesn't see the mess as a big problem like I do. So I have found these tid bits to be helpful.

COMMUNICATION: I cannot stress this enough, and I like every woman expect my husband to see through my eyes or read my mind. Unfortunately, that does not help, he needs me to reach out (in a less sassy tone than what he gets half the time), and ask for help, and before you just yell help! You will have too be specific.

SPECIFIC: We all feel like this shouldn't have to be said as you're juggling babies in your arms or tugging at your pants, toddlers demanding attention as they mess around with the cupboards and ding pans around, older children who want you to look at the scribble they placed in a coloring book that they already showed you ten times, a pet that probably has to go out or needs food, dinner being cooked, cleaning, and setting the table all while your partner is just lounging in his favorite chair. Trust me that is enough to make anyone snap, but asking for help and telling your partner exactly what you need help with goes a long way, you have to say to them "Can you come get the kids they are rough housing next to the stove and I am trying to finish dinner." Or "can you start getting the table set." Whatever it is you must be specific.

BREATH: If you don't take a step back and breath it will just build until you do get snippy on your partner.

REMIND: Remind yourself that while you are doing a lot of these chores and needing some help from time to time, there are things your husband misses out on while he is busy with work and just trying to take his own time to himself. Like the kids, your partner is probably missing out on being around the kids all the time, missing important milestones, and if your partner is like my husband missing dinners with his family because of working long shifts to provide.

SELF CARE: This one is hard for any of us as mothers, how can we take the time to do self care when we are trying to keep little ones from hurting themselves and sending kids off to school. Well we think big most of the time when it comes to self care. Sometimes we just need to take a little time for ourselves whether it's just painting our nails, drinking coffee in peace, or even just a bubble bath without listening to screaming from the kids. The simplest little things do add up to help us keep our sanity!

Doing these helps my relationship stay strong as well as helps my husband know where he can help since he really doesn't see half the things I see. It helps to talk to him and explain the areas I need him to step up, and since doing so he has made the effort to do little things when he can like sweeping up after dinner (when he is home for dinners), or doing dishes on his days off. These occasional little things I don't have to ask him to do every single time I need help he understands that these are the things that tend to be the bigger problems for me to do since like the dishes I do them at least 3x a day. His efforts have really helped our relationship strengthen as well as me learning to communicate helped to open our barrier to not hold it in and be angry about what he didn't even think about.