Marriage: The Road of Ups and Downs Leading to a Life of Happiness!
How to make your marriage work in today’s troubling times.
Being the youngest of 7, I have seen my share of bad marriage in my family. My parents got divorced when I was 3, then my father passed away when I was 7 and my Mother remarried back when I was approximately 3 or 4 and that marriage ended when I was around 12 but they also were on and off for several years prior to my stepfather’s death in the 80’s. So my first images of marriage were very dysfunctional.
Several of my siblings have married and divorced several times as well, so divorce is very common in my family. Only one of my siblings has stayed married since the day they said I do, without ever giving up on their marriage. This siblings marriage is the marriage I have always looked to and admired and vowed to emanate my future marriage after their marriage.
So 19 years ago in 2001 I met my husband, just a few months before “9/11/01“ that was a crazy year but we found love that year. Don’t get me wrong it was not a fairytale relationship in the beginning, I had my world turned inside out several times because I found out my husband had been attempting to and then successfully cheating on my several times early in our relationship. Somehow, I caught him doing it every time. Every time I confronted him he would, of course, deny it but we both knew the truth and he would also try to turn the table and blame me for snooping on him or going through his cell phone or stuff, saying that was how I found out... anything to deflect the guilt from himself. This nonsense continued for approximately the first 6 years we were together.
So as you can tell the mere fact that I state he is my husband and he did this for the first 6 years, we obviously worked through everything! That is part of why I am writing this story. See I know many women or “people” would have said this relationship wasn’t worth it if he kept cheating for 6 years or they wouldn’t have even let it get that far, but that is my point because I had seen so much divorce in my family (I knew how to give up and walk away all too well, that lesson I learned over and over in my family) but then there was my “sister” and her marriage. I learned through them that marriage is hard, but if you work together and talk to each other rather than lash out at each other (don’t get me wrong everyone while fighting says mean and evil things they don’t always mean... they just say things out of anger... when I say lash out I mean with vengeance and violence to the point they can’t stay with each other and one will leave the home) so although my husband and I have our “fights” or “arguments”, after we have our heated moments we calm down and talk to each other in calm tones and we both discuss what is hurting us or bothering us and we work through the issues. This is how we have survived through the years.
This is the point or idea I was driving at with my Title and Subtitle; I wish that my other siblings could have learned this valuable lesson. Yes marriage is very hard because you have two completely different personalities, in most cases they each have their own interest or hobbies and sometimes they even have their own individual morals that may not match their partner but that doesn’t mean that despite any differences, you can’t love each other and build a LIFE LONG MARRIAGE and FAMILY with wonderful memories working on dreams and wishes together for a future together. It took my husband and I 11 years to finally decide to get married, a lot of the hesitation was because he had been married before and it did not end well so he was thought he would never find happiness and true love again. We have been married for 8 years this year, so over the last 19 years our relationship has not been smooth or easy by any means but that is the point of what a marriage is suppose to be... two souls working together as one for the common goal of true love, common future dreams, building a family, true commitment, it‘s the idea of where the phrase “soulmates” started...
So I offer my story to help others possibly learn or find a way to work through their tough days in their relationship, because believe me there will be some tough days in every marriage but if you can practice understanding and patience you can survive the pitfalls that many other couples succumb to. Good Luck to all and GOD BLESS EVERYONE!