Marriage On The Back Burner
Feeling like you are coming second
So when the COVID-19 Pandemic started, my husband and I made the joke about coupl es during this time. Wondering how everyone would hold up under pressure. How many relationships would fail during this time? Little did I know, our relationship struggled a little during the time we've been at home. It just feels different. Almost like dealing with each other was forced. I mean, we've worked from home together for years on end. We are always in each others face, so you would think that having to deal with a stay home order would be a simple thing for us. Turns out, that was a lie.
The first few weeks were easy. We had things like the groceries delivered, amazon packages left on the porch and we started doing things around the house like planting flowers and enjoying the house. It faded quickly. Quicker than I expected it to be honest with you all. I tried to buy things that we could do as a family but it started to feel one sided. What I mean by that is, no matter what suggestions I made, it was never enough to spark a conversation or an option for something to do. I felt defeated. I started to feel lost and just didn't know what to do.
I had to fight my urges to reach out to an old flame so that I could have something fun to do or talk about. It was hard work, but I was strong. I've lost count as to what day we are in right now with a stay home order. I can tell you that I'm slightly over it. I've started back drinking to ease the frustration with how everything is going.
Have you ever started to feel like your marriage was not a priority anymore. Almost like you've gotten the title of being married but you are not wanting to do the work that it takes to stay married? This is exactly what it started to feel like. It was the title, the benefits and the joint bank accounts but no work to keep the flame on the relationship. It felt like the old grease pan that sits on the back burner on the stove. Rarely does it get used and you don't really remember the last time you used the grease to fry anything up. You have let it sit for so long that you've ended up pouring new grease into another pan for use.
We've been together for 6 years and married for 1. The first year of marriage was good. We had our ups and downs but nothing that most couples don't go through. We learned to work through our problems for sure and we've made it through. This patch though has seemed harder than anything we've ever been through. It felt hard to talk to my spouse about where I was mentally. Every word was like trying to cut through wood with a butter knife. I knew he no longer cared to put everything into this married life, but somehow I felt like I was giving it my all.
Our county is getting ready to start letting things open back up. I don't feel it's safe to get back out to a normal routine just yet and thankfully, he feels the same way. We are open to comments on this blog as to what we could do to make this work. What are some things you as married couples have incorporated during this time to not drive each other crazy? What's something you've discovered about each other that you didn't know and you also wish you didn't know? Leave me a comment! I would love to hear all about it.