The moment someone asked me who I would like to model my marriage after, I began to ask myself if I’m really ready for marriage. This made me consciously decide to go for counseling — something very unusual in this part of the world. From my parents to my siblings and even friends, there was no relationship or marriage worth emulating. Everyone had that “I am enduring” vibe.
Enduring is what our grandmothers and mothers did. They stayed for the sake of the children, they stayed for the sake of what people would say. Marriage should be a union that is enjoyed for the rest of one’s life. A union that brings peace, love, and joy. What is the main difference with the marriage now and the marriage then? If you look closely in the last 10 years there has been more divorces, this makes me wonder, what are we doing wrong?
I do not have the right answer but as a married woman I can say this- Marriage is one the most beautiful yet difficult institutions ever. It is an institution one never graduates from. I believe the first big step to any marriage is friendship which is the core of any relationship. Become friends before lovers, become partners before marriage.
Most people in my generation do not want to endure; why endure what you can either enjoy or simply walk out on, right?. Being in this confusing place can be exhausting but making a conscious decision about your marriage can set you on the right path to peace. For me, it was a conscious choice to be happy and I said it with so much affirmation ‘I AM NOT GOING TO ENDURE, I WANT TO BE HAPPY’- this became my motto; I became it and it happened. (took a lot-story for another day).
I will never judge a man or woman who walks out of a marriage because there are so many relatable factors, from the lack of intimacy to becoming roommates instead of soulmates, also the financial standards. Money can make or break anything including a marriage. Marriage requires a lot of factors including, patience, forgiveness, selflessness, love, and friendship.
These are things missing in marriages now and were also missing then, the only difference is most of our parents endured and missed out on the joy of being married. In their old age, they are more like roommates than soulmates, more of parents than lovers. My generation strongly believes in moving on quicker and cannot be patient. I am strongly not against divorce if it’s for the right reasons, but I believe to avoid going through such a thing one needs to build that strong foundation of friendship.
Remember Marriages don’t last because of good times, they last because the hard times were handled with patience love, and care.