Marriage is

The early morning alarm goes off after already snoozing it for the fourth time, realizing not getting up when I was supposed to be. It was going to set me back, and the anxiety already began before I forced myself out of bed. I throw the covers off and slug out of bed, and the stress gets me going as I'm rushing to choose an outfit and get ready. My husband is still asleep, barely waking up, beginning to question as he asks me if I can come to lay back down.

In frustration, I go turn on my son's light to wake him up before I have to help him get ready for school. I could already feel the anxiety of an argument coming on. I felt as if I had been putting so much forward, and it was never enough. That day was rough; my husband and I got into a fierce argument because of our past situation of losing the pregnancy two weeks prior, along with a conversation last night that did not go well. I was definitely sensitive to specific issues. I wanted to cry because of how bad I felt and what had made it come back to this; we will be suitable for a while, and then we are back at it.

There are unresolved conflicts over the dumbest things at times. I don't even know why we argue about them. Sometimes when I get triggered, I tend to lash out and yell, wanting to escape it all from slamming the door and locking myself in the room to taking off, and he always brings up how that looks in front of our son. Other times I will be subtle and ignore the conflict and go around it. Most times, I will be collective and reasoning to find a solution and, if not, question him if it is even worth the energy to put into it. He has never lashed out how I have the most he has ever done is left for a walk. The only bad names he has ever called me was crazy twice unlike how I have name called to him multiple times. He has never slammed the doors; the only thing he has done once was had hit the laundry doors. Then afterward, within making up our argument, he apologized for that and said he wouldn't do that again, and he hasn't. I wonder how he doesn't explode like myself. Sometimes he does explain to me he does internalize a lot more than myself. Which does worry me at times because I know there is more depression in that. I admire his collectiveness and patience with me that he pertains in loving me. I don't know how he does it some days and he says the same to me.

The whole argument that morning stemmed from me letting him know I wanted to clean the house and rearrange it the night before, and that tends to make him uneasy because he feels when I do that he has no control over the place he helps pay for along with no to say where things go. He explained that I am constantly rearranging the house, and he never knows where anything is. I got frustrated because when I lived with my parents and also in other relationships, I never had that freedom to change things around the home, and when I did, it would always be the third degree. I explained to him that I enjoy it, and it is a way for me to de-stress. He explained well he wished I could choose another way because that drives him nuts, and he doesn't blame them for getting on me about it because it is frustrating explaining it's one thing to clean but another to re-organize. That was a trigger for me, and I didn't realize it till the morning when I left to work that day still upset about it, and then, on top of that, he wanted me to give him some time before I went off to work. I was upset from the night before, and I was not in the mood, which triggered him a course.

We had long text conversations back and forth, and it was exhausting, especially while I was at work. Then I said something to him that triggered him, and it was just a downward spiral. We eventually came to our senses and talked it through, and he said something that every marriage should understand. In marriage, having and holding through sickness and health is also to be submissive and open with compromise and understanding it is not always about finding a solution, but just being present. Also reminding ourselves that our partner is not the enemy over something said that had triggered us they are still our spouse. There will be days in marriage when one is trying to please the other and feelings of not enough recognition are being put forward. When we don't see each other and think of ways to please each other and become irritable because the response reaction is not as we visioned.

All together, marriage is not peaches and sunshine without a bit of rain.

The storm is what we learn from, but it is up to both partners to not disregard each other's voice. Ask the question to your spouse, " Do you hear all my needs an concerns?" As our argument ended, I voiced to him how I felt and addressed all his concerns and needs and how I try to be there for them and go above and beyond at times, but when it comes to myself, I feel it is impossible to get them addressed. I told him I hear him all the time, but then I asked whether he heard me. He responded with a list as well, which definitely impressed me. He closed it with I listen to you and see all you do and apologized because he didn't realize I felt how I did about him not giving me enough recognition and putting forth effort on his part. We closed the argument on a loving note as he always jokes and calls me his Brat.

Marriage is tough, but it is only as hard as you want it to be when you have people willing to make it work; that's all you need and patience with mindful tools on how. When both partners have triggers and trauma, it does not make it easier, but it doesn't mean it can not work. A story and a past is something everyone has, and in marriage, if we can learn to be each other support to listen to that story and appreciate the strength of someone's past and be considerate, it will work. Understanding the difference between toxic love and just love is also what we have to learn when we have been in toxic relationships. Arguments in love are typical; it's abuse that is not.