loving then leaving a love gone wrong
leaving was the only choice
It was 1984 and he was the sweetest guy and would dress like, "Billy Idol". So he was quite impressive and I did feel nervous and amazed when I saw him. So many women wanted him and yet he was so attentive to me. He really was so good looking and even wore eye makeup because it was the 80;s and men wore eyeliner! He was so cool and I would just swoon over him. I was hitting the clubs and would often go dancing and have fun with my friends.. His name was "Billy" and he was so fine and handsome and he would often make me feel beautiful. Feeling beautiful was not normal for me because I was so skinny and insecure. Many Spanish people don't think that being thin and skinny is too sexy and I was battling between two worlds. The Spanish culture and the American culture which is something many Spanish women must endure. Two concepts of contrasting beauty made me suffer so much since I was considered "not beautiful" in the Spanish culture and yet I was beautiful in the American culture. I was as thin as "Pat Benatar" and my hair was short like hers. Most Spanish women had long hair but I had to cut mine due to a bad haircut and had to start over with short hair.
Billy made me feel special, he was warm and loving and he made me feel more beautiful that I ever felt before. I loved him for years and I knew he was seeing other women but something foolish in me kept thinking maybe he will realize how special this love was. However I was wrong because he married a woman named, "Rosa". I wept the day I found out he married her and I was so sad but I did my best to move on and stay strong. I had no choice and I was so sad but I gave up on him. I was too exhausted from suffering for three years for him. I called him and he told me that he got Rosa pregnant and that he thought I was the one he was supposed to marry but he allowed fate to choose and it appeared that I lost.
Seven years passed and I married a new man and had a child with my new husband. I forgot about Billy and went on with my life. A few years later I divorced my husband due to alcoholism and started a new single life. I was free and open to destiny and what the future could bring.
Well it turns out that Billy had been asking about me. My brother told me he saw Billy and Billy wanted to talk to me. My brother gave him my phone number. I was so nervous as I awaited his call, I started to tremble. I had loved him so much and now he was going to call me. He called me on a Friday and I trembled as I picked up the phone. He wanted to see me because he divorced his wife.
Then we started a relationship and it was beautiful. It was the sweetest relationship any couple could have and a year later we married. I finally was blissfully happy and thanked God every day for this union.
However bliss doesn't last long and that's one thing I learned. He developed lung cancer and I was terrified. He underwent chemotherapy and radiation and slowly Then slowly a monster began to emerge, He would get angry and yell at me abusively. He would hit my head, he would suddenly hit my head unexpectedly. He would get angry and yell at me. I realized my true love died within and out of cancer emerged a "monster". I had no choice but to leave for own survival. The Billy I knew was no more. Cancer had killed him within and a monster arose. I secretly saved money and found my own apartment. I moved items one by one to my mother's house because I didn't want him to suspect that I was leaving. He was so jealous and controlling that I knew I had to make a secret escape. Which I did. I put the rest of my clothes in a laundry bag and said I was going out to do laundry. I literally walked into my new apartment and left him behind forever. I was tired of being choked and pushed around. I created a new life and thank God every day that I left. I had to learn to love myself more than him. It was not easy because the love was so powerful but I am finally free and realize now that cancer killed his soul before it killed his body.