Loving the Unlovable

Let's face it, there's probably someone out there that you hate. Whether it be an old high school nemesis or a world leader whom you've never met. Chances are you've said the words, "I hate that guy" at least once in your lifetime. Though we've heard that "hate" is an awfully strong word, it's used so often now that it's watered down the true meaning of the word because it's tossed around so frivolously.

So why do we choose to hate someone?

Hatred is a fear based emotion. Hate tend to come from a deeply rooted pain that we have taken on by being witness to someones actions or placing ourselves in a the role of a victim to what someone else has done. Though many try and convince themselves that they are being hateful to one out of love for another, this is but only an excuse for those trying to force victim-hood onto someone other than themselves. It's a way many try to escape their deeper emotions; by making someone else take their place. What is overlooked however, is that we are only creating an emotionally violent war of mass victim-hood while teaching only how to create more of this toxic mentality.

Our first step towards love is understanding where our pain comes from.

Is it fear that because of this person our lives might change for the worse?

Is it because they have physically harmed another human?

Or is it because they don't have the same ideas about life as we do?

Regardless of why you think there is reason to hate, you will never injure the person you're directing it at the way that you're injuring yourself. To hate is to never truly heal. The outward projection of your own pain will never truly be realized to the person who's caused it in the first place. Do you really think that they stay up at night thinking of how bad they feel? Don't you think that if they ever truly cared in the first place they never would have been that way? More than likely, they're sleeping just fine and don't give a damn about your perception of their words or actions.

So now that we know they why behind our hatred, how do we now transform that into love?

We now realize that regardless of someone else's realization of the damage they may have caused, we may never get the apology we think we deserve. Tell yourself now, you probably will never get the apology you want. You cannot force it, you should not ask for it, and you will not get it until the other person is ready. (Which will very likely be NEVER). However, you deserve the freedom from worry, pain and anxiety. So it's time for you to forgive them. You heard me right. For your own sanity and well being, forgive everything that has ever happened to you and know you can now live your life without hurt.

"Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace."

We must put ourselves in the shoes of others to realize: they are the way they are because of the way they've been. We are not all born with the same mental state as one another. We do not all have loving and caring families. We do not have the same kind of peer pressure growing up. We do not have the same lives.

So why do we think that we are so different from one another? You haven't the slightest idea of who you would really be, given the same circumstances of someone elses upbringing. We must understand that it is a build up of events and people throughout our lives that create who we are today and that we may never know why someone is the way they are.

To truly love someone who has hurt us is to decide that we deserve peace in our lives more than someone else needs to understand what they've done to us. We can love unconditionally without any reciprocal by knowing what we are worth to ourselves. Through self love and empathy, we are more than capable of loving anyone despite the negativity they have brought upon us.