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Loving Someone You Can't Have

by Tabby McClean 3 years ago in love

The Heartbreak of Unreturned Love

It's easier to be with someone you can't love than to admit you love someone you can't have. I have been in love with someone I can't have for years now. There is nothing I want more than to be able to tell him how I've always felt, but I know it will only make things worse.

Love is a funny thing. It can be one of the greatest feelings and at the same time it can be one of the most painful experiences of your life. I've never been much of a loving person. I class myself as more of an outsider, I've never been good at expressing my emotions, which is completely typical that the first time I feel like I'm in love is with someone I can never call mine. I've tried to convince myself it's just a crush and it will eventually pass, but that's a lie. He's always on my mind, no matter where I am or who I'm with. In the back of my mind it's all about him. It gets difficult to hide from people sometimes, if someone says his name I swear my heart skips a beat. When I see him my mind loses control. He draws me in with everything about him. His scent, his voice, his appearance, his smile, his eyes, his lips, his everything. When I hear his laugh in that moment I never want it to stop, I could listen to it forever and never get tired of it.

We used to be really close friends, we spent most days together and the minute he would leave I would hate it. I always wanted to tell him how I felt in hope he would feel the same but I didn't want to lose our friendship, it meant the world to me. I remember one night we were both intoxicated and we almost had sex but someone walked in the room and we decided it wasn't the right time or place. Things like that would make me feel that he did have some sort of feelings for me like, the drunken night, we would also play fight a lot and take random drives together and talk about life but then other days we would feel so distant to each other that I decided I wouldn't ever tell him the truth. We're not so close anymore but it's still not a good idea to say anything. I can't tell you the amount of times I've cried at night wishing he could be mine and I could be his, but the sad truth is, he never will be mine.

I've seen him in many relationships over the years and they never end well and he always seems to get hurt and it breaks my heart. He deserves to be happy and feel loved and I can give that to him, I could give him the life he's always dreamt of, but I still haven't got the guts to reveal myself just incase he doesn't see me the way I see him anymore.

I wish I knew how to get over him. Why is getting over someone so damn hard? You think for a minute that you're making progress, but the minute I see his face it all comes rushing back to you. It hurts. It really hurts for me to see him with his new girlfriend. He seems happy at this present time, so as long as he stays happy, that's good enough for me. I wish him a lifetime of happiness. I hope he gets the life he deserves, that's all I ask for.

love

Tabby McClean

Just a girl trying to figure this world out

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Tabby McClean
Read next: Whole (Ch.1 Pt. 2)

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