Love Letter to the Club Guy
Part apology, part confession to a lost lover.
You have been on my mind for a while now. I wanted to write to you earlier but I couldn't bring myself to do so. Until now. I hope this letter finds you well. It is an apology as well as a confession.
I know that you have probably moved on or even forgotten about me. You affected me more than I expected.
As soon as we met, I felt an immediate connection with you despite the language barrier. I felt like I could truly be myself. I felt like you accepted me and you enjoyed my company. You didn't make me feel insecure like most guys do. That is such a rare feeling for me.
You were so open to all my ideas and questions. You never flinched when I touched you. In fact, you showed me affection too. You would pull me in close for an embrace or take my hand. When I looked into your eyes, I could see the kindness and warmth. I enjoyed when you'd catch me staring at you with a cheeky grin on my face and you'd remark 'coqueta', thinking about it makes me smile.
I felt all zen when I wrapped myself around you in those calming, turquoise waters under that waterfall. I felt so comfortable and relaxed in your arms. I felt the same way when I snuggled up next to you on the micro and drifted off to sleep.
I think one of the first things I told you is that I have a lot of problems with men. I have been told that I'm not good enough one too many times. I have become addicted to seeking external validation.
I tried to cancel our date on that Friday night but clearly, my Spanish isn't good enough because you still came for me. I didn't feel like going to the club. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I just wanted to stay in and eat good food. When you pulled out that beautiful, red rose, it pulled at my heart strings. I hated myself for arranging other dates and your response was so mature.
I wish I could say the same for myself. I got so intoxicated that sometimes I wonder if I dreamt what you said to me. I remember being so confused and wishing I had taken more Spanish classes. Did you really say that you wanted to be in a serious relationship with me? I feel like I imagined that.
I could not even walk properly and you supported me through my drunkenness. You were always by my side but my mind was elsewhere. I should have turned off my phone at this point. I was worried that if I stayed with you any longer that I would get attached. I was worried that I would start pining for a love that could not exist.
That is the reason why I needed to run. You didn't want to let me go and that just made it harder. I hated myself for promising to come back when we both knew that I was lying. I saw that glimmer of hope in your eyes that I would return when you eventually let me go and that shattered me.
I thought I saw pain in your eyes. I was drunk so I could have easily misinterpreted the situation. Either way, it tore me apart. As soon as I walked out of that club, the tears escaped my eyes. I struggled to stop crying.
I am so sorry. I am so sorry for leaving you at the club.
With my whole heart,