Love Language and the Importance of Understanding Your Partner

I’ve often been described as hot-tempered. I’m high in emotion. Sometimes I borderline on over-sensitivity. Coming to terms with my childhood and who I’ve grown to be has proven to be more of a challenge than I would have hoped. As I’ve become the 27 year old gay that I am, I’ve realized that I center in actions more than words as the old adage says. I very seldom would say, “I love you,” because I believed my actions show the love I have. I’m not big on words pertaining to love. I can go without hearing love words and still believe that I am completely loved, because it’s the willingness to relinquish your time and energy to me that shows me. It sounds bitter, maybe misguided and jaded, but it’s legitimately how my mind works.

I speak a different love language than my fiancé.

He’s often times timid. He’s reserved. Sometimes regarded as shy, but incredibly intellectual. His childhood had very little rough edges and as he’s grown into the 24 year old gay he is, he often looks back with fondness. He’s such a reasonable man with the patience of a saint and the temper of a mouse.

He very much needs, “I love you.” He very much needs my hand on his thigh to show my hand on his heart. He’s very much big on PDA. Enjoys all words pertaining to love including but not limited to, “I love you babe,” at the start and end of most texts, phone calls, and embraces. He likes cards, but his favorite are the handwritten notes around the house. He holds sentiment behind every word. I’d even go out to say that while he appreciates my physical actions of showing love, like buying flowers and candy, or washing his underwear, it’s the “I love you” notes he enjoys the best.

I try my absolute best to give that to him. He deserves it. Just because our methods for love intake are different doesn’t mean he deserves my love any less. As his partner and counterpart, it’s my obligation to make sure he knows he is without a doubt loved on all levels.

Understanding how we both receive love has proven to be one of the most difficult tasks in our relationship but also one of the most important. Having that knowledge allows us to continue to work on areas that left unnoticed could have been a point of contention. It reduces arguments that could be explosive, because we understand what we need to do to prevent them. It’s a golden relationship hack that we needed.

I don’t use work lightly. It’s a struggle. But you need to come to an understanding of each other’s love language.

I implore you to take a moment and reflect on your relationship. Think about the ways that you receive love. Think about the ways your partner receives love. Understanding each other’s love language will help eliminate trivial fights and allow the opportunity for growth and a firmer connection.

In many ways, it saved my relationship, and I wish nothing but greatness for yours.